Tuesday, February 24, 2009

I won't post more.


Monday, February 23, 2009

An Academy Awards List [as per usual].

1. I owe such a debt to the person who thought that having Tim Gunn as a host on the Red Carpet was a good idea. Because you know what? It was a good idea!!!! [Project Runway come baaaaaaaaaaack!!! Plz?!]


3. Who knew Anne Hathaway could sing? Like, really sing?

4. Speaking of who knews, who knew Sophia Loren was still alive?!

5. Dustin Lance Black, I had no idea who you were before tonight. But you, sir, are awesome. [And also kinda hot]

6. I was like 98% certain that someone was going to faint tonight. My money was either on Kate Winslet, the guy who won for sound mixing or whatever for Slumdog Millionaire, and Adrian Brody who seems to have replaced sleep, food and personal hygiene with herion.

7. Tina Fey + Steve Martin = making even screen writing awards entertaining.

8. Reese Witherspoon's and Kate Winslet's dresses were obviously the rejects from the "Design an Oscar Dress!" challenge from the season of Project Runway we'll never see.

From the House of Holla Atcha Boi:

9. This has not been a good year for Ryan Seacrest as he tried to high five a blind man on American Idol and now has tried to interview one of the kids from Slumdog Millionaire who doesn't speak English. The best part however is after Ryan asks one of the older kids to translate and the older kid - who I am sure is most likely not a seasoned Red Carpet pro - totally owns Ryan saying of his young counterpart, "He doesn't speak English. And he didn't say anything."

Also, how over this does Irrfan Khan look? [You know he totally hates Anil Kapoor]

10. Speaking of awkward cross-cultural moments, Seth Rogan and James Franco were funny...until they started making Dumb Polock jokes. I think. I swear they said "DP" several times on stage [which to be honest, is one of my grandpa's favorite insults] and judging by how uncomfortable Janusz Kaminski looked I don't think my ears deceived me.

11. As much as I love me some Zac Efron and musicals, how unnecessary was that random musical tribute/interlude?! The whole time I thought the combination of people [Hugh Jackman, Beyonce, Zac and Vanessa, some people from Mamma Mia!], the weird mash up of songs, and complete lack of context was just....weird. Then when it was over Hugh Jackman said the thing was planned by Baz Luhrman and suddenly it all made sense.

12. When Sarah Jessica Parker almost fell on stage it was really funny. The only thing that would have been more awesome was if she actually fell [and had to be helped up by James Bond].

13. I am so pleased that Angelina and Brad didn't win anything. For some reason, I have a really vindictive hate against them. But god, am I the only the person on earth who finds them insufferable? [I give credit where credit is due: Angelina's earrings were awesome. But her ring was hideous. And does Brad have allergies because it looked like he was on the verge of crying all night.]

14. When I need a replacement for Peter Gabriel for my Oscars telecast the first name that comes to mind isn't John Legend.

15. I give Danny Boyle props for finding a way to mention Tigger in an Oscars acceptance speech.

16. Did Whoopi Goldberg roll out of bed this morning and think "Oh shit! I am supposed to present at the Oscars tonight!"? She must have because otherwise there was no excuse for her to wear that leopard-print nightgown on stage.

17. Lisa Rinna's lips are straight-up fucking scary.

18. If I had to hear Mickey Rourke talk about his dead chihuahua like she was his dead wife in Red Carpet interviews one more time I was going to throw up. I mean I loved my dog Fred, but seriously dude. Get a grip.

19. Dev Patel why are you eighteen?!!?! Your cute gangliness, Barack-style big ears and British accent combined with the image of you on stage after winning Best Picture crying and holding the adorable little mini-Latika was enough to make me want to make out with my TV screen. Ew. Gross. I can't believe I typed that. Retracted.

This video is essentially made of cute:

20. Natalie Portman telling Ben Stiller [as Joaquin Pheonix] that he looked like "he worked in Hasidic meth lab" was kinda genius.

21. When that guy from Man on Wire suddenly and randomly popped up on stage to do magic tricks it was also kinda genius.

22. When Will Smith was on stage for basically twenty minutes presenting like 40 awards I am pretty sure it was a test run to gauge how well people would respond to him hosting next year.

23. "You Commie Homo-Loving Sons of Guns." Well said, Sean Penn, well said. And in the words of my friend Karen, why did Madonna ever divorce you? You looked pretty hot tonight, for an old man.

24. Why was M.I.A. not beamed in as a Princess Leia style hologram from her bed?!!!!!!11

25. That Japanese dude who won for Animated Short Film or whatev totally ended his speech by saying "Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto." And it was totally awesome. It was nice that Danny Boyle mentioned an animated Disney character, but anyone who mentions Styx in an Oscar acceptance speech is obviously cool.

Freshman year of college a kid lived down the hall from me in the dorms who would play this song at all hours, all the time, and always at top volume. The hate is fading, so I think I might be finally able to listen to this song again, so:

Friday, February 20, 2009

This Week's Playlist.

1. Warwick Avenue - Duffy
2. Dead and Gone - TI ft. Justin Timberlake
3. Welcome to Heartbreak - Kanye West
4. Electric Feel - MGMT [basically, I am addicted to a different MGMT song every week]
5. If U Seek Amy - Britney Spears
6. Do You Believe in Magic? - The Lovin' Spoonful
7. American Boy - Estelle
8. Not Dark Yet - Bob Dylan
9. I'm Sticking With You - The Velvet Underground
10. Pressing On - John Doe

Sunday, February 15, 2009

Love Songs I Actually Like.

There's probably a reason I am blogging on Valentine's Day instead of gorging myself on gifted chocolate or putting my dozen roses in a vase, and I am pretty sure its because my intense hatred of all holiday cheer whatsoever just radiates off into the universe. So I guess I should start with baby steps and maybe someday I will be able to see the value of Valentine's Day besides those delicious candy hearts with the writing on them. I cooked dinner tonight! With wine! Okay, so it was for me and my roommate, not me and my Valentine...but hey, like I said, baby steps. So in the spirit of being more cheery and stuff, here are some love songs I actually like. Because yeah, I'm that person who makes fun of the bride and groom at weddings for picking such a sappy song for their first dance. [I went to two weddings last summer where they danced to the same Jim Brickman/Wayne Brady song about love and rainbows and sunsets and shooting stars and stuff. Come on people, that song is just bad]

1. Something - The Beatles

Early Beatles love songs are innocently charming, and surprisingly not annoying for all their googly-eyed teenaged love [Taylor Swift, take note]. But with Something George Harrison wrote a song about actual love, beyond dance halls, holding hands, and feeling fine - love that you have to stick around to see if it may show. Love is undefinable - but its something! - and uncertain - just ask George, as Pattie Boyd didn't exactly stick around even though she got this awesome song.

[How creepy are John and Yoko in their matching black cloaks, btw?]

2. Rosalita [Come Out Tonight] - Bruce Springsteen
Ah, young love. There's nothing like it. I totally asked my high school crush to prom [via AIM!!!11], he had to ask his mother if it was okay if he went, and then we didn't make out until two years later when we got drunk one ill-directed night during college and I haven't talked to him since my 21st birthday when he arrived to my party just in time to see me puke. Sigh. Rosalita is Bruce's ode to young love, though his is of course less ridiculous than mine, and there's no prom - just convincing mom and dad he's a good catch even though he "plays in a rock and roll band." But at least Bruce knows that in retrospect "We'll look back on this and it'll all seem funny." If only my seventeen year old self had known that.

[Plus, let's be honest, this video is epic. If the Jonas Brothers weren't pure they'd wish women threw themselves on them like women threw themselves on Bruce back in 1978]

3. That'll Be The Day - Buddy Holly

Considering this song contains the lines "When Cupid shot his dart/ he shot it at your heart" you'd think I'd hate this song. Maybe its the glasses, maybe its the cardigans, but do old love songs just seem better? If I heard this song for the first time spewed from a Jonas Brother, I am sure I would immediately hate it - but when it comes from Buddy its charming and sweet. Maybe its because Buddy was the original or maybe its because skinny with big ears and dorky cardigans and plastic glasses is just my type.

[Don't even tell me that bow tie isn't adorable]

4. Unchained Melody - The Righteous Brothers
This song makes for a pretty good slow dance - if you're not in 8th grade and standing 4 feet apart from each other the whole time. I slow danced to this song at my debutante ball [gah!] and the whole time my escort kept stepping on my dress and it was in those approx. 3 minutes I decided that if I get married wearing a big poufy white dress and tiara once in my life was one too many times. Short wedding dress it may be, but this song is still pretty good.

[Bonus: Your mom probably likes this song too]

5. Strange Powers - The Magnetic Fields
Considering their most famous album is called [and is also literally] 69 Love Songs, The Magnetic Fields certainly have a lot of love songs to choose from. But I'm partial to a song that ironically isn't even part of that album, even if its opening lines have a dubious political corrected-ness ["On the Ferris wheel/ looking out on Coney Island/ Under more stars than/There are prostitutes in Thailand"]. But the song redeems its self by being more disarmingly sweet ["Our hair in the air/ Our lips blue from cotton candy/ When we kiss it feels/ Like a flying saucer landing"] than you might expect when you first hear Stephin Merritt's gruff voice.

[Also, the music video includes a dude in a dress wearing fairy wings and eating cotton candy! Yay!]

6. Lola - The Kinks

Speaking of a dude in a dress, much props to Ray Davies for making me a fan of a song about transvesitite love. While Lola may seem like it should be the theme song of all those back page ads you find in "alternative" city papers, in the end its just a song about how confusing love is to anyone - gay, straight, transvestite, no matter. "Girls will be boys and boys will be girls/
It's a mixed up muddled up shook up world" sings Davies, that is except for when Lola's around. When its right, its right, even if you're "not the world's most passionate guy."

[Run Lola Run]

7. I Walk The Line - Johnny Cash
Love is hard work, y'all! [That was me trying to be country] Walk the line, keep a close watch on that heart, look out for the ties that bind or else "you'll find yourself alone when each day's through." Maybe I should take Johnny's advice and give up the drinking. This song explains alot about my life.


8. Bleeding Love - Leona Lewis
I guess I should include a song written after 1980, no? I don't know why, but I freakin' love this song, probably because its beat is hella catchy. And its surprisingly deep for being written by...Jesse McCartney?! That's what Wiki tells me and that basically blows my mind. And even though her personality may be a bit bland, Leona can for realz belt it out. [Just don't go Whitney crazy, Leona]

[As per usual, the British video is like 100x superior to the American one]

9. Signs - Bloc Party
Bloc Party just released this song on their last album so once again I am trying to stop living in the past here people. Bloc Party has always been pretty sweet but I absolutely fell in love with this song when it was featured in an episode of Gossip Girl. Is that wrong? Probably. But after you listen to the beautiful music-box like opening of this song and its simple but kinda heart-breaking lyrics, you'll understand that being wrong never felt so right.

[This is the actual, legitmately good video]

[And this the equally good acoustic version, featuring clips of Chuck and Blair! Just for fun!]

10. How Sweet It Is [To Be Loved By You] - Marvin Gaye
Oh Marvin, what song to choose?! Ain't No Mountain High Enough? Ain't Nothing Like The Real Thing? So many choices! So maybe I should choose one without Tammi Terrell! You were one smooth dude Marvin, and ain't nobody have a smooth voice like yours. Everyone in the world has covered this song it seems, and its never as good as the original - but hey, they stole it from you anyway.

[This performance is pretty smooth too, until SHINDIG! flashes across the screen]

11. In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
Four words: John Cusack. Boombox. Classic.

[I don't think I can say anything else - ha! I am so clever! - so just watch the video:]

12. La La Love You - The Pixies
The Pixies aren't exactly the love song type, but this song gets to point and gets to it fast. The entire song? "I love you/ I do/ I love you/ All I'm saying pretty baby/ La la love you, don't mean maybe [rinse, and repeat]." Okay fine, so the song also includes cat call whistles and some whispered talk in the background about "First base, second base, third base, home run," but if you're going to tell someone you love them in a song, this chorus isn't a bad start.

[So YouTube videos for this song were surprisingly sparse, so....slideshow?]

13. Do You Believe in Magic? - The Lovin' Spoonful

Now here's a song that isn't so much about love as it is about love songs themselves - the best kind, the kind that "start with a smile that won't wipe off your face no matter how hard you try," the kind that won't even make cynical, hard-hearted me grimace. It's true that if "it's magic, if the music is groovy/ it makes you feel happy like an old-time movie," so sometimes it best to just give in, let your feet start tapping and maybe just fall in love with the music for a little while.

[The cars! The random chicks on motorcycles! The flowers! The shaggy hair! God, I love the '60s.]

14. Possession - Sarah McLachlan
I used to stay up late listening to the radio on my Walkman just for the chance to hear this song way back in like, 1997 [And luckily for me there was a radio station in Detroit fond of playing this song, as by 1997 it was already4 years old]. Then my parents finally bought me a CD player [hey, it was 1997, I couldn't afford anything myself ] and problem solved, I could listen to Sarah's CDs whenever I liked. Way back in 7th grade I thought this song was pretty poetic, and now that more than a decade has passed and I have Masters in English, you know what? I still think its pretty dang poetic ["the sea of waking dreams" was always my favorite phrase].

[The Canadian music video! Too weird and racy for America!]

15. My Girl - The Temptations

Is there anyone who doesn't like this song?! When I was little I definitely knew the dance steps that the Temptations used to perform, thanks to an exhibit at the Henry Ford Museum. I am sure I looked like an idiot trying to pull them off, as does everyone who sings this song for their audition of American Idol. Seriously, Simon Cowell should ban this song - I watched one episode of this season of American Idol and like 30 people used it to audition. At least no one tried the dance.

[The original boy band:]

Monday, February 9, 2009

Dear Chris Brown:

Since November 4th I've like resolved to love America and stuff so I guess I have to give you the benefit of our due process and say you are innocent until proven guilty but - are you fucking stupid?!

But you turned yourself into the police yesterday so that seems like some sort of admission of guilt, so let me yell at you a bit on this blog 2 people read. You are 19, dating [dated??] Rihanna, your song With You has near 87 million [!!!] views on YouTube, the little girls are all aaaaaaaaaaah Chris Brown, you were nominated for Grammys, I am sure you are ridiculously way too rich for any 19 year old to be and here you go do something this idiotic. Coming from an unemployed 23 year old who has $20,000 + student loan debt and $550 in rent due in 3 weeks and almost $200 due in utilities this month [because its been 3 degrees everyday this winter it seems] if you are young, good-looking, talented and rich for godssakes at least make sure you stay rich. Your $50,000 bail?!! That could have paid off all my loans and paid me and my roommates' rent and utilities bills for like...ever.

But all that money is basically a moot point when you consider the fact that you wailed on Rihanna! Abuse of any kind against any one is awful and intolerable, but come on dude, you beat on Rihanna - your career just doesn't come back from that. Two words: Micheal Jackson. He went from Billie Jean to wandering around in masks and dangling babies from hotel balconies. And let's be honest, does anyone really like Ike Turner?

Of course I went to YouTube for the express purpose of reading the comments on Chris Brown videos and apparently there is a rumor circulating YouTube comments [god help us now that people think YouTube comments are a reliable source of info] that Rihanna gave you a STD. And creepily enough, some people seem to think this in some way excuses you...ummm....wtf?! Punching someone in the face because they gave you an STD is the not the proper way to solve the issue. Note:

George is now basically being written off that show, so you know, just saying.

And to Rihanna, I heart you. I know a 23 year old grad student shouldn't heart Rihanna, but well I do. I listen to Umbrella like once a week even though its two years old because its still a good song; you can tell a song is good if you can remember the first time you heard it and I remember the first time I heard Umbrella. I was in Switzerland and my friends and I were excited to find a radio station playing music in English - first we heard R.E.M and then this song came on and I remember my friend and I both looked at each other at the same instant and were like "Is she singing about....an umbrella?!" And here I am two years later, listening to a song about an umbrella - so for that Rihanna you deserve my respect, as I do not listen to many songs two years after they are released, let alone a song about umbrellas. So keep on keeping on Rihanna as myself and the umbrellas of the world will always have a special place for you in our hearts.

And finally, let us not forget the third victim in this tragedy [the first two being Rihanna and Chris Brown's career]: Wrigley's Double Mint Gum. This Double Mint commerical aired during the Grammys yesterday and it was....awkward? Poor gum. Too bad you already paid for this nonsense Wrigley's:

Next time you need a spokesperson Wrigley's maybe you should ask Miley Cyrus. I hear she's really good at avoiding controversy.

Sunday, February 8, 2009

A Grammy List.

1. As per usual, DETROIT WAS ROBBED. The Grammys had time for an awful duet by Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, but its the 50th Anniversary of Motown and you couldn't even put together a proper tribute?! The Smokey/Duke/Ne-Yo/Jamie Fox Four Tops tribute was actually one of the better performances of the evening, seeing as they actually selected relevant participants, unlike some of the other random groupings which would occur throughout the evening. But it wasn't even announced that this was a Motown tribute, or that it was Motown's 50th Anniversary....or anything. WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE DETROIT?!

2. The shot of T.I. grooving along with Neil Diamond? Amazing.

3. Katy Perry should not be allowed in public. I actually really like her album so it saddens me to see her live - its amazing how much Auto-tune must have been used to make her sound like she does. At least Kanye recognizes he can't sing and told everyone about the Auto-Tune - that way when he sings live we all know in advance to plug our ears [and also now that he is rocking a mullet(?!!) to advert our eyes]. Sorry Katy no matter how much giant fruit there is, I will not be going to your concert.
Your cute faces and banana hips won't distract us from your lack of voice Katy:

4. M.I.A. I love you. There is no one else in the fucking world that would perform on the Grammys on their due date. And by "perform" I mean waddle around stage like a duck in a polka dot/sheer bikini thing while T.I., Kanye, Jay Z and Lil Wanye waltz around you. Normally I would not condone lip-syncing - especially because your only line was "Swagger like us" - but since you were performing on the Grammys on your due date, I will let it slide. However I think my roommate said it best when she yelled at the TV: "Someone get her to a hospital! I am worried!!!" Indeed, oh indeed.
They will start selling this ensemble in the Target maternity section next week:

5. Speaking of Jay-Z, did anyone else notice his date was Solange?!

6. Look, I fucking love the Beatles [really is there anyone on earth who doesn't?]. But why exactly did Paul McCartney sing I Saw Her Standing There? Was this one of those oh shit Chris Brown just got arrested so we need someone to fill his spot so lets ask Sir Paul hey dude you know all those Beatles songs by heart right so wanna sing an oldie but goodie and we know it sucks Ringo isn't here but hey that drummer from Nirvana is so wanna take up some time thanks performances? Also, its not 1993 anymore so cut your damn hair Dave Grohl.

7. So earlier today I went dress shopping [gaaaaaaaaaaah!] and didn't find a dress I liked. Until I came home and saw Jennifer Hudson wearing it on stage:

8. The Jonas Brothers + Stevie Wonder = wtf. Like...I don't even know what else to say. Well, except for the fact that I just watched it again on YouTube and just realized that the Extra Super Pretty Jonas plays the bongos for a hot second:

9. Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin are rich right? They can like, afford a stylist? Why then did it look like Coldplay fished through the dumpsters behind Abbey Road Studios to find some dirty and weirdly colored Sgt. Pepper get-up and like Gwen was wearing a dress that someone had stapled old Christmas tinsel to?
Give Paul McCartney his coat back, he was sitting across the aisle:

Also, Christmas was like...two months ago:

10. When Lil Wayne jumped up and down on stage after winning his best rap album award I was really, REALLY afraid his pants were going to fall down. Kind of like this actually. Luckily they didn't. And luckily he didn't talk for very long either because his voice [or lack there of] annoys me. Like a lot.

11. Has anyone even listened to that damn Robert Plant/ Allison Krauss album?!

12. Could the Grammys think of no one better to introduce Lil Wayne than Gary Sinese? Also, why didn't LL Cool J just sucker punch Jay Mohr in the face? Come on LL, mamma said knock him out!

13. In summary: ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.

The Week's Playlist.

1. Waterloo Sunset - The Kinks
2. 20th Century Boy - T-Rex
3. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
4. Summer Cannibals - Patti Smith
5. Right Thurr - Chingy
6. Banquet - Bloc Party
7. High School - MC5
8. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
9. Ashokan Farewell - Jay Unger
10. Hypnotize - The White Stripes

Thursday, February 5, 2009

Lost: Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates.

Clearly its time to start writing Lost recaps 1) so I have something to write about other than Gossip Girl and 2) the only person who reads this blog is Karen, and basically the only things Karen and I both watch are Lost and GG. Well, and Grey's Anatomy. But that's only worth watching these days to see what sort of crazy-assed storyline they come up with next. And to laugh at it.



Let me tell you why I love Lost: This is the only show on television that could have a fucking canoe chase and get away with it.

[digression] Grey's Anatomy needs to take a lesson from its fellow ABC show: The first episode of Lost began with an unexplained plane crash and ended with weird noises emanating from the jungle and trees getting mysteriously knocked over. In other words, you expect crazy shit to happen on this show. So take note Shondra Rimes: you cannot start your show off as a normal hospital soap drama only in the 5th season to decide its time to delve into magical realism and have a ghost/apparition/wtf of Denny appear. If you start normal, stay normal. [end digression]

But bless its heart, Lost started crazy and luckily for us, is staying crazy. Canoe chases! Guns hidden in boxes of chocolate! Nurses wielding tranq dart guns! Mysterious beams of light! Shipwrecked pregnant French chicks! Korean dudes back from the dead [or perhaps we should say, back from the future]! Time travelling nose bleeds! All in one episode!

Unfortunately for us however, this episode featured alot of Jack and Kate who weren't that interesting on the island and are even less interesting off it. As usually happens, the main character[s] in ensemble shows are actually the least interesting - its the crazy characters around them that make the show worth watching. Case in point: I didn't even realize last week's episode was completely devoid of the Oceanic 6 until it was over. What makes Lost interesting is the magical island, not necessarily Kate being mopey around Los Angeles. Also, Jack's post-island wolfman beard scared me kinda, so I am glad that's gone.

The only Oceanic 6 person I really enjoyed in this episode was Sun, who has become more interesting now that she's off the island and is turning into some sort of spy/ mafia don who recieves sketch survelliance photos and guns hidden in the bottom of boxes of chocolate. And then takes her gun with her when she "babysits." Also, it is rather suspicious that Sun's baby is like...nowhere. Kidnapped? Dead? Trapped in a time warp? Eaten by Ben for breakfast?

As per usual, the more interesting shit happened back on the island. It still weirds me out to hear Juliet say something like "that was only two months ago" when refering to an incident that occurred during the first season. But at least unlike some shows [GREY'S ANATOMY cough cough] Lost has set a timeline and rigourously sticks to it.

Aside from taking part in a canoe chase, everyone left on the island jumped backward/forward/sideways in time enough to make my brain want to bleed out of my nose too. But at least we got to see that rather touching scene of Sawyer watching past Kate help Claire deliver Aaron - and all that time travel warranted a few references to Boone. Boone! Remember that dude?! No one's talked about him in forever, and he was kind of hot...not Sawyer hot, but you know, not bad. But anyway, watching past Kate prompted Sawyer to spill his broken heart all over the beach to Juliet, which was rather sweet and omfg Sawyer I heart you. Daniel Farraday continues to be awesome, dropping just enough hints [Miles: I've only been here two weeks. Farraday: You sure about that?] so that I can't decide if he actually knows more than he's letting on, or just doesn't know anything at all. Juliet was kind of a badass this episode, telling Sawyer to "go away" and utilizing gun during canoe chase skillz straight out of Last of the Mohicans. And I kind of just wish Charlotte's brain would just bleed out her damn nose already, because for some reason I have yet to pinpoint, she irks me. And Miles reminds me of someone I know, but I haven't decided who yet.

And come on Lost, I can't go for much longer without a John/Ben scene!!! excla!!
But next week John falls into a wormhole [I hope when he pops out he has glitter all over his head, like Giselle does in Enchanted], so that will have to fill the void in the meantime.

Tuesday, February 3, 2009


As if the cosmos have read my mind, the first picture confirmation of Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr [yes, that is her name] making out has surfaced. So I guess its not allegedly or supposedly anymore. You are very lucky Jessica as the only thing hotter than Chuck Bass is Chuck Bass with an English accent.
Also, someone PLEASE PLEASE give me a job. I shouldn't have the time to make two blog posts about things I have read on Pink in the New Blog in one day.

Love, snow and Gossip.

Continuing to prove that for some reason the character of Blair Waldorf is simply devolving this season back into her former bratty and annoying self, Pink is the New Blog has photos of her kissing Nate on set. This is both good and bad - as wtf why Nate? I thought that was like, so, totally, omfg over. Chuck is so much more interesting! But on the flip side, thank god Nate finally has something other to do besides look pretty and get all googly over Vanessa.
Maybe Vanessa will make out Chuck?! Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr [That's her name right? I don't feel like hitting up Wiki] are dating in real life anyway. Supposedly. Allegedly. Maybe.
Anyway, here you go. All this picture really proves is that New England/Middle Colonies weather is wonky, as yesterday it was like 75 degrees here and today it fucking snowed. Touche Al Gore, touche.

Gossip Girl: We Don't Need No Education.

Ah! It was only a matter of time! Any teen drama worth its salt has a good teacher/student fling, and GG took theirs at warp speed. Why it was only last week that Dan and Ms. New Naive Midwest Teacher Cliche were making eyes over coffee when he invited her out to explore the wilds of Brooklyn. And while Dan and the new teacher were gettin' bizzy [can I type that? I'm white] Serena walked around wearing a Sherlock Holmes coat, Blair regressed to a whiny bitch and Chuck Bass discovered what really happened to Eliot Spitzer.

Sometimes I forget that these characters are actually in high school because you know....they never go to school!!!11 I know Vanessa is "home-schooled" and by home-schooled she really just means she walks around Brooklyn all day looking for more crazy colored leggings to wear. But Chuck hasn't been to school since...ever? And as of today Nate apparently no longer goes to school either, as he has time to wander about the city with his home-schooled lady love and billionaire bff. I guess this is really just the fault of editing - it would be too confusing to have a school day take up a chunk of an hour show and not have story lines concerning other characters come in until say, the second half hour. But when you show some characters in school and then immediately splice to others not in school it gives the impression that these things are happening at the same time. [just FYI]

Anyway, unlike some people Blair actually acted like what she really is in this episode: a spoiled high school girl. Why exactly, is her dad suddenly in town? With a bulldog? Convienent for this storyline, eh? Blair's little Barack-style rev 'em up speech at the beginning was kind of funny [mainly because of the choice of background music] but for the rest of the episode she was just whiny and annoying in ways she hasn't been since the first season. I was always on Team Van Der Woodsen because Blair was so bratty, but then mainly through her tough relationship with Chuck she seemed to have matured alot and in the process grew on me. But in this episode she regressed a year in her life - I blame it on the writers, not you Leighton Meester. Well, maybe I blame it a little on you Leighton.

Speaking of Chuck, his dad was apparently involved in some sort of Da Vinci Code Secret Strip Club kind of thing whose members wear masks, kidnap Connecticut nannies and leave cryptic messages for fun savanger hunts around the city! Now that Chuck rolls with Opus Dei or the Illuminati or the Skulls and Bones or whatevs, he woke up from his night of mayhem with a nice new fake wrist tattoo. My mistake, that clearly means he's actually now a Death Eater! Whenever Uncle Jack wants to summon the other Death Eaters he just sprinkles some cocaine on his tattoo and everyone else's tattoo starts to burn and itch and then a giant Bass Industries logo appears over Manhattan and....too much? Yeah, I should stop.

But for godssakes NATE AND VANESSA. You know that annoying couple that gets all smashed together and never go anywhere alone and only talk to each other and giggle secretly in the corner and make out in front of everyone and so you have to make them a nickname wherein you combine both their names because they are now a single person?! Well that is Nate and Vanessa. Or should I say NANESSA?!! Or VATE!?

I am only letting you slide Nate because you gave a shout out to Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. Wait. It was a creepy reference. You said your mom was in Newport so you could invite Vanessa over for weird Da Vinci Code Masked Secret Society Sex. I take it back.

Nate and Vanessa, you are dead to me.

Well...not as dead to me as Dan Humphrey as that final scene with him and the teacher was well, yeah, creepy.
Letourneau! Fualaau! Party of two!

Monday, February 2, 2009

Yay/ Nay.


The Office Super Bowl Special.

The Office is generally reliably funny - and funnier than anything else on TV right now except maybe 30 Rock - but this season it hasn't been as funny. That is until their one-hour Super Bowl special, which featured a roast of Michael, Stanley in a wheel chair [but because he had a heart attack!?] and Dwight mutilating a CPR dummy. The best part however was before the credits even rolled, as Dwight thought the way to teach everyone about fire safety was to simulate an actual fire - throwing a cigarette into a trash can, but only after he had made certain to unhook all the phones, heat all the door handles with a blow torch and jam all the exits. The ensuing several minutes as the workers of Dunder-Mifflin tried to escape was the perfect bit of Office mayhem and stupidity to serve as an antidote to what has been a rather somber season. The Office works best when it makes uncomfortable situations funny, but this season with storylines such as Pam flunking out of art school, Meredith's alcoholism and the Dwight-Angela-Andy love triangle things have been more overwhelmingly uncomfortable than funny. As per usual, everything ended awkwardly with Micheal nearly in tears and Jack Black making out with Cloris Leachman. But at least this time it was funny.

I am up so late that NBC has posted this clip already:

Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl.

So apparently - this has been on for several years now, but unfortunately I haven't watched it until my friend and I stumbled across it during our post-Office channel surfing. But omfg.best.idea.for.a.tv.show.ever. Let's put some puppies in a giant box! And paint it like a football field! And throw them some chew toys! And film it! No one watches anything else on Super Bowl Sunday except football so no one will notice that we have given up! Fucking genius. And more importantly, fucking cute.

This is from last year's Puppy Bowl, but let's be honest cute puppies are cute puppies:


The City.

I finally decided that maybe I should give Whitney's Hills spin-off a try, just because, well I am unemployed and bored. I watched less than 10 minutes of the first episode and knew already that it would suck. Why? Olivia Palermo is basically the real-life Blair Waldorf but since she's not a real TV character but like, a "real" person she's just annoying and not entertaining. Hey! But her even more annoying cousin that follows her around was arrested for drugs! And prostitution! Why isn't he on the show more?! And Whitney's new bf Jay is the Australian Justin-Bobby, complete with greasy unwashed hair, a "band" that he has to "travel" with, commitment issues and philosophical waxings over dinner that don't make any sense if you actually think about them. And Whitney's new bff/LC replacement is some girl named Erin who is only interesting because her dad is from AC/DC. Oh, and everyone calls Whitney "Whit." God. And Whit-Whit isn't even interesting, even when she gets more stuff to do than just make funny faces at LC from across her desk. Whitney would probably make a good friend in real life, but in fake life [because come on, you know this is fake] she's just not that interesting. I stopped watching and watched on old episode of Gossip Girl instead.

But the real reason this show is no good is because its opening credits look EXACTLY like the original Beverly Hills 90210 opening credits. And not in a good kitschy hey-remember-that! fun kind of way. But in a let's just steal that style because everyone that watches this show is too young to know there was even an original 90210 kind of way.

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Pepsi. And Bob. [And The Who].

I have a creepy love-obsession for Bob Dylan so I have to respect Pepsi for wanting him for a Super Bowl commercial...but with Will.i.am?! Does recording a song about Obama make you my generation's The Times They Are A-Changin' bard? God, I hope not. This commercial is decidedly less creepy than the Victoria Secret commercial, mainly because it features young Bob and not the old one who I am pretty sure is skeezy. I wonder how Jakub Dylan feels knowing that a song written to commerate his birth is now a Pepsi commercial...but probably he just wishes they chose a Wallflowers song instead. And Bob is probably happy that Pepsi chose Forever Young since no one - and I mean no one, since this even applies to a Bob addict like me - listens to the album its on, Planet Waves. So maybe five people will purchase that album at Best Buy this weekend. And as if it wasn't enough for Pepsi to hijack that illustrious icon of the 60s Bob Dylan they also hijacked one of its anthems, My Generation, for another commerical. I am pretty sure My Generation rails against the conformist commercialism inherent in Pepsi ads, but hey, there are only two actual members of The Who left and they can't keep touring forever, and Kennedy Center Honors just don't pay the bills.

Unacceptable, but I watched it three times anyway:

Teenage wasteland, indeed:

Sunday, February 1, 2009

This Week's Playlist.

1. Standing in the Way of Control - The Gossip
2. Tambourine - Eve
3. Wild World - Cat Stevens
4. Forever Young - Joan Baez
5. New Slang - The Shins
6. On The Radio - Regina Spektor
7. Don't Let Me Down - The Beatles
8. Working My Way Back to You - The Detroit Spinners
9. Everlong - The Foo Fighters
10. Halo - Beyonce [re-obsession!]