Monday, January 26, 2009
Look, I don't really know anything about politics but I know that I freakin' love Barack Obama - probably for all the wrong reasons actually, but I don't even care. He makes me feel all hopey [that's an acceptable word now, btw] and his adorable ears send my heart into patriotic palpitations. If you will note, we now have a badass for president:
And as if that weren't enough we have Sasha and Malia, who let's be honest, are hella cute. I especially loved that Malia had her digital camera out and was filming her dad give a speech only 43 other people in the world have given. AOL is annoying and won't let me c/p this adorable picture of Malia taking a picture of her dad posing in his tux about to head out to the inaugural balls - lame! When that girl gets to be old enough, can you imagine her Facebook page?! Maybe she has one already, kids these days grow up so fast. If she already has one, I am sure she has a photo album called "My Daddy's Inauguration." I have one called "HAPPY HALLOWEEN BITCHES." We clearly lead different lives. They also dress way better than me:
Inauguration was so much fun in fact that I didn't even really mind this - In fact I kind of liked that um, hat, considering it's from Mr. Song's Millinery which I go past all the time. Way to rep the D Aretha.
There is a delicate balance to the way the world works and it goes like this - England makes something cool, and like a year and half later we finally realize it and steal it. The Beatles. Led Zeppelin. Arctic Monkeys. Our country. You know. I wasted a lot of my Christmas break watching this show on YouTube and its basically like Gossip Girl but better - because its England they can actually swear! Yay! It's been on for like two years already, but course us Yanks are just getting hip to it. I'm sure Dev Patel's new found success is helping, even though he's not on the show anymore - but he's still pretty hillarious as Anwar, the Muslim boy whose best friend is a gay dancer, and who is dating his best friend's stalker, and who lost his virginity to a girl named Anka who he helped escape from her abusive husband while he was on a field trip in Russia [Really, I didn't make any of that up]. But actually the only inducement you need to watch this show is the knowledge that its second season finale featured a car chase involving two high school boys and a stolen coffin and the sweet strains of Britney's "Oops...I Did It Again" playing in the background. Also, they staged a school play called Osama! The Musical. Pure gold.
This clip is weirdly sweet, even though I don't know what the fuck is up with the girl's hair, and both their necklaces are hideous:
I Will Be - Leona Lewis
My little brother has this theory that things that taste good, taste good together. I only half agree with this theory as sometimes its true - its the reason Reese's Peanut Butter Cups were invented - but on the other hand, I like Kung Pow chicken and I like lasagna but I don't really want Kung Pow chicken lasagna. This music video then is like Kung Pow chicken lasagna - I like Leona Lewis, and I find Chace Crawford uncommonly pretty. So in theory, Leona + Chace = good. Right? Except...its not good. All it proves is that Leona should never act, Chace can't act and wandering around a parking garage doesn't really make for a compelling video. This video was made like 10 years ago already and made better and its called Enrique Inglesias's Hero. When a video starring Enrique Inglesias [who I retroactively like], Jennifer Love Hewitt and Mickey Rourke is better than your video, you may have a problem. The problem is Leona tries to be classy but you can't do the bank-robbing-Bonnie-and-Clyde music video unless you're willing to make a video with Mickey Rourke. Who is now a Golden Globe winner and Oscar nominee, so you know, take that Leona.
Kung Pow Chicken Lasagna:
The start of the Mickey Rourke comeback:
Crazy Barack Shit.
Like, I said I love me some Barack but seriously, calm the fuck down America. A Barack Chia Pet? Unnecessary! Even more unnecessary? Barack condoms!!!
I still kind of want one though. The Chia Pet. Not the condoms.
Also, who knew CNN could make pot head jokes?!
2. Supervolcano - MGMT
3. Pop Lie - Okkervil River
4. Heatwave - Martha and the Vandellas
5. Back of the Van - Ladyhawke
6. White Light/ White Heat - David Bowie
7. Simple Gifts - Yo Yo Ma & Alison Kraus
8. Strange Powers - The Magnetic Fields
9. Shangrila - The Kinks
10. Christmas in the Room - Sufjan Stevens
Monday, January 19, 2009
In the beginning, before the CW, there was this magical network called the WB which showed such spectacular shows as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Dawson's Creek and my personal all-time favorite, Gilmore Girls. So it was kind of genius that tonight's episode of GG referenced the original GG in its opening - maybe a tip-off to the faithful follower of WB/CW teen dramas that Blair will follow the path of Rory and not attend the college she's been dreaming of her whole life? Am I reading too much into this? Probably.
Speaking of colleges I am pleased that Serena plans to attend the lovely Brown University - mainly because I am hoping they will film an episode in the Prov and I can stalk!!! If I can score a stalker-amateur-papparazzi photo of me running my fingers through Chace Crawford's impeccable hair or licking Ed Westwick's face they will clearly be made my Facebook photo and everyone would be jealous. And side note - Blair - we Brownies don't all wear our hair in dread locks and/or refuse meat. Some of us are you know, relatively normal. Relatively. And in a big sisterly kind of way I am proud of Serena for choosing such a fine institution which I feel will suit her much better than Yale - like Serena Van Der Woodsen is a real person. [I really need a job, and by extension, a life]
It was appropriate that this episode introduced a new Shakespeare teacher as its plot was basically a trashy Upper East Side version of Hamlet [Or The Lion King, you know, whatev reference works for you] - Uncle tries to mack on his dead brother's wife, dead brother's son seeks revenge. There was even opera, just like the band of travelling players! Of course it was without the eloquence, the drownings, and the ghost. But seriously, who saw that coming?! I knew Uncle Jack was a skeez but attempting to rape Lily [at the MET!] and Chuck coming to her rescue?! Genius. And I don't know about you, but I kind of like this new Chuck-Lily alliance. Rufus meet your new step son sucka!
Keeping with the literary references it was about damn time Dan Humphrey threw down the Faulkner shout out. Since we all know Dan is a geek for English or whatever [I know the sentiment] I give him three episodes before he bangs the Shakespeare teacher. Maybe four. Depends how slutty Serena wants to be - because come on! that dress she wore to the opera?! Sing it Fergie Ferg: it was S-L-U-T-T-Y. Whoever does S's wardrobe needs to be fired ASAP, as seriously, there was a bit more sideboob than I thought was allowed on network TV during the 8 o'clock hour.
Also, Nate and Vanessa? Not necessary to this show. And wtf, when did Eric suddenly become an opera expert? Who spoke German?! I guess that's what he was off learning during his 6 month hiatus from the show.
How could they kick Uncle Jack off the show without the world finding out him and Blair got it on?!!! This must come out into the open!
Rerun next week, but until then - parting is such sweet sorrow.
[Wrong play, I know]
2. Hypnotize - Notorious BIG
3. Slumdog Millionaire Soundtrack
4. If You Can Afford Me - Katy Perry
5. The Last Time I Saw Richard - Joni Mitchell
6. Light My Candle - Rent [I had no heat and no electricity for one night, so this was of course the appropriate song]
7. Dancing In The Streets - Martha and the Vandellas [Happy 50th to Motown btw!]
8. Just Dance - Lady GaGa
9. Desperado - The Eagles
10. Time to Pretend - MGMT
Wednesday, January 14, 2009
Well, the Lincoln Hawk Love Baby was found...kinda. And Dan and Serena get fucking creepier and creepier. And Nate and Vanessa each appeared for a hot second! [While we are on the subject of Vanessa there is no need to travel all the way from Brooklyn to Dylan's Candy Bar...it's not that great. I mean, they have cute bags and all but I prefer the lovely Rocky Peanut Company in the delightful Detroit to overpriced candy from some fashion designer's kid. Also, how gay did Nate look when he was standing there munching his candy while he rekindled his bromance with Dan? Like, seriously].
So you know how in the first Star Wars [and by "first" I mean that actually legitimate first movie, not that nonsense prequel] Luke Skywalker totally wanted to get it on with Princess Leia? And then in The Empire Strikes Back he found out Darth Vader was his dad and then in Return of the Jedi he found out Leia was his sister? And you could tell he still kinda wanted to get it on with Princess Leia anyway?
Well that is Dan and Serena. Just without lightsabers and the cinnamon bun hair.
Continuing the Star Wars metaphors, Uncle Jack tried to play a morally bankrupt Obi-Wan Kenobi to his young business Jedi-in-training Chuck, but as anyone could have predicted that did not turn out so well. He tricked his favorite underage woman Blair into throwing Chuck a surprise brunch [For real, who has a surprise brunch? With old people!?!] and took his nephew out for a night of drinking and prostitutes so he was of course not ready for his brunch at the senior home. Seriously, bf and gf sharing a sibling. Nephew and uncle sharing prostitutes. Apparently this show is now set in NewYorktucky.
What else happened?
Vanessa and Nate celebrated their anniversary with candy and no one cared. Chuck gave Blair violently neon pink roses that looked just like the spray painted kind you can buy on street corners in Detroit around Sweetest Day and she threw them in his face. And next week, in revenge for the unclassy flowers she will bang his uncle. And that won't be awkward at all.
Oh, and apparently the name of the LHLB is Andrew. Which is too good, as he will now clearly be referred to as Little Orphan Andy. But he died in a sailing accident...except that he didn't! Sneaky! But good, because now Dan and Serena can actually invite their half-sibling to their wedding! Maybe Dan will let him be the best man and everything. And Rufus can walk Serena down the aisle because he is practically her dad.
Next week there is some more Yale nonsense which seems lame compared to the Greek tragedy now laid out before us. Or trailer park soap opera. Or intergalactic space war.
Sunday, January 11, 2009
There is a slightly insane way to do modern Dickensian conventions and its called Gossip Girl, and there is a pretty awesome way and its called Slumdog Millionaire. It's a lot easier to transfer turn of the century London to modern day Mumbai than New York, not the least of which reason is because of the class of street children - Dan Humphrey isn't exactly the Artful Dodger [Chuck Bass, maybe] and Rufus isn't exactly Fagan so I have a little trouble believing the long lost Lincoln Hawk Love Baby is really slumming it [if you will].* Real [fictional] slum orphans like Jamal Malik on the other hand, make this "bizarrely plausible" tale - Irfan Khan's words not mine - much more endearing. If you don't root for Jamal to win 20 million ruppees and find his long lost love all in one fell swoop, I am pretty sure you don't have a heart. The best part of this movie are the actors who play Jamal, his brother Salim, and lost love Latika as young children - they are adorable, their facial expressions are priceless, and finally I can kinda understand why Angelia Jolie runs around the world adopting children. Pineapple Express may have made Paper Planes famous - but that song was made for this movie, and especially for these young actors who made the most adorable young scam artists you never want to meet [If you don't think eight year olds could really be in, MIA's words, 'bona-fide hustlas' you need to see this movie]. A significant portion of the movie is in Hindi and I was extremely proud of my language skillz for knowing one word without the help of subtitles - I cannot spell it, but it means "I understand." Thanks for that to my friends Jugan and Vikram from the summer I was a hostess at an Indian restaurant, as you would be surprised at how much that word came in handy while running around a busy kitchen and trying to avoid getting your hand stuck in the tandoor or your hair caught on fire by the samosa oil.
I also learned that summer during my lunch breaks that Bollywood is flashy, crazy and well, awesome. So I was delighted to see that the ending credits looked like this:
*Oliver & Company was Dickens set in New York, and it was awesome - because it was animated, and about cats and dogs and Billy Joel songs.
Neil Patrick Harris on Saturday Night Live.
Holy shit, I love Neil Patrick Harris - he's legen...wait for it...dary! NPH's appearance on SNL only proves that who hosts actually makes a difference, as half the skits would not have been funny at all - especially the pretty weak one about a talk show that only hosts celebs with two first names [seriously, lame as it sounds] - but NPH even managed to squeeze a few giggles out of that one. On the other hand, the How I Met Your Mother jokes in the monologue were mildly amusing, the Broadway skit with NPH as Mark from Rent was pretty awesome and NPH conducting an orchestra of people in lab coats and ties playing the Doogie theme song was just flat-out genius [the single tear!]. Skits like that and his appearance in the Harold and Kumar movies make me love NPH even more, as he understands that sometimes poking fun at yourself is the best way to have people not make fun of you. And with the Broadway skit, Liza Minelli's random appearance and NPH himself, this episode of SNL was even gayer than that one with Justin Timberlake in tights dancing to a Beyonce song. And apparently, that's a good thing.
NPH is basically perfect as Anthony Rapp/Mark Cohen so its a shame Broadway is dead:
And as an added bonus, as if you needed any more convincing that NPH is destined for a Tony here is this little gem I found on YouTube awhile ago [Jason Segel is pretty awesome too btw]:
Arab Money by Busta Rhymes.
It was only a matter of time until someone made this song, and I am pretty sure we could have done without it permanently. It starts out offensive enough, as even though I don't know a word of Arabic I am like 99% certain the hook is just gobbledygook. And if that's not enough there is the dancing in the video. Yes the dancing. Oh, and if that's not enough there's the line about wearing "Dolce shorts, dashiki with a Louis Scarf." And the obligatory 'camel toe' pun. But things don't really go off the rails until Busta starts rapping about "Sittin' in casinos while I'm gamblin' with Arafat" and his ghost makes a cameo in the video. Most gangsta rap songs are about the trifecta of bitches, bros and benjamins - not necessarily Yassir Arafat's ghost.
I'm not exactly sure what else to say about this song/video, so you should probably just watch the nonsense for yourself:
Friday, January 9, 2009
2. In the Air Tonight - Phil Collins
3. Nadie [No One] - Prima J
4. How Will I Know - Whitney Houston
5. My Perogative - Britney Spears
6. Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! - ABBA
7. Talkin' World War III Blues - Bob Dylan
8. In Your Eyes - Peter Gabriel
9. Disturbia - Rihanna
10. No Regrets - The Von Bonies
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
You know who could join Lincoln Hawk as one of the forgotten bands of the '90s? Third Eye Blind.
Remember that song Jumper? From like 1998? [The older I get, the more convinced I am that 1998 was an amazing year] It clearly should have been included in this episode as a homage to the late great '90s, and quite obviously fit in the Chuck Bass oops-I-am-hella-fucking-drunk-and-on-a-roof-ledge [near] suicide scene.
Whoever wrote this episode of GG apparently wrote it immediately after he/she read David Copperfield and/or Absalom! Absalom! as the whole orphange search and the kinda siblings macking out was a bit much. Pretty soon there will be long lost inheritances appearing, and dead old mummied corpses popping out of the woodwork. And it will be glorious! Actually, it won't be that glorious since I am such a loser that I actually list "hating on Faulkner" as one of my Facebook interests. So there ya go.
Also of interest, as I am home for the holidays I watched this episode of GG with my dad. Some of his comments:
"These are high school kids, right?"
"And they drive around in limos and stuff?!"
"They are rich."
"That tall blonde girl is the Gossip Girl, right?"
"No dad, Gossip Girl is a blog."
On the Humphrey's loft: "If they are so rich why can't they afford to paint their door?!"
"Those people are not rich dad."
"This is confusing."
"These are high school kids, right?"
[repeat 30 times]
On Jenny: "She looks like a young Debbie Harry, dosn't she?"
[An amazingly astute musical reference considering less than a week ago he asked me if Jesse McCartney was Paul McCartney's son]
"Now that it's over can we watch something else?" [Proceeds to turn on PBS]
Lastly, Blair's little throw out comment to Uncle Jack about New Year's Eve was kind of weird - as it was a blink and you miss it moment. But judging by the previews, they probably got it on...and if that's the case they are lucky Blair just turned 18, otherwise they might not want to tell anyone about that.
Just watchin' your back Queen B.
Oh and also - is it just me or is Nate Archibald no longer a character on this show!?
Friday, January 2, 2009
The Road - Cormac McCarthyYeah I know this book came out like 2 years ago or so, but working on a Masters can take its toll on your pleasure reading. I heart Cormac, so I am pretty sad it took me this long to read this book, but since I got two copies of The Tales of Beedle The Bard for Christmas I returned one and bought The Road instead [Beedle also gets a Yay! btw]. The Road is disturbing and terrifying and its images of a destroyed world where the only things that exist are ash, a dead grey sea, ruins of cities, crumbling roads and cannibals will probably haunt your dreams [then again, when I read All Quiet On The Western Front I woke up one morning and jumped out of bed in a panic when I heard a fire truck siren because I thought I was getting shelled....so that last thing might only apply to me]. As per usual, McCarthy writes about terrible things beautifully - and the prose is the entire point of this book. There is no plot per say, because well, after the apocalpyse what is there left to plot? In previous books McCarthy pondered how you could describe terrible acts that defy description; but in The Road he asks, what do you talk about when there is nothing left to talk about? His answer? "The ponderous counterspectacle of things ceasing to be." This is one of those books that I had to put down every once in awhile and tell myself that it was all just a story, that this couldn't happen - but in the end I knew just how easily it could. Quite possibly the most depressing book I have ever read, and the perfect antidote to holiday cheer. [Oh and also! They are making a movie! With Viggo Mortensen! Heart!]
Gran TorinoI had no idea Clint Eastwood a] could be funny and b] play a really surprisingly convincing cranky old Polish man. I think I enjoyed the movie because of its setting and filming in and around Detroit - and because the cranky old Polish man was basically a dead ringer for my grandpa. Well, without the action hero-ness. But I give Clint Eastwood props for being an action hero of sorts even when he is nearing 80 - when he utters the lines "You ever get the feeling you fucked with the wrong person? Well, that person is me" he sounds more badass at 78 than most people do when they are young and spry. Even though its slightly predictable, the story itself is rather touching, even though the whole time all I could think about was how the actor who plays Clint's young Hmong neighbor Thao looked just like an Asian David Archuleta. Seriously. Oh, and that the actress who played his spoiled granddaughter plays essentially the same character on Gossip Girl. I probably wouldn't have gone to see this movie if it wasn't set/filmed in the D, but in the end I was pleasantly surprised and happy I saw it.
Lame New Year's Eve Telecasts With Ryan Seacrest/ Dick Clark/ Fergie/ Carson Daly/ The randoms over at Fox.
These shows could start at 11:30 and the world would be a better place. Instead they start at 10 and include performances I could do without from the likes of TI, Ludacris, the Jonas Brothers, and I like her, but good god Katy Perry sounds awful live [It sounded like she was singing a bad warbly karaoke version of her own song!] And good lord ABC, just let Dick Clark retire with grace already. And a note to Ryan Seacrest's "special correspondent" Kellie Pickler - DO NOT wear a white coat with matching eyeshadow. For realz. And omfg, my family. Watching the telecast from LA which continued after the ball dropped in Times Square[hosted by the one and only Fergie Ferg!], they revealed their severe lack of knowledge about popular music. Which let's be honest, is probably for the best. My dad thought Jesse McCartney was Paul McCartney's son. He also refered to Natasha Bedingfield as "that girl from American Idol." And my brother asked me which Pussycat Doll was Victoria Beckham. My mother however - rather disconcertingly - knew exactly who Ne-Yo was. Oh and Fox, just give up. I thought you owned Ryan Seacrest, but apparently not as he ditched you for ABC. Everyone else under American Idol contract appeared though, Chris Daughtry's entire band decked out it t-shirts I am 100% certain I saw on the clearance rack at Target. And the camera work was so bad that one shot only contained the top of David Cook's head [this is the one time his incredibly wonky hair worked in his favor, as otherwise we would have had no idea who it was]. And whoever the randoms were Fox tapped to host the show looked like geeks from some random college A/V class they pulled out of nowhere at the last second. Seriously, the one skinny guy in the plastic glasses and poufy coat I am pretty sure I have seen him huddled in the far reaches of the college library. Fergie did a better job as MC! I could have done a better job! Fox, why are you even a network?!
Homemade Incindiary Devices at My Starbucks!!!!
So this is a notice to the jerk who decided to try and pull off some lame prank and make a homemade firework/ incindiary device/ minature bomb and set it off at one of the Starbucks in the Prov. That Starbucks is right next to the bus stop I frequent and when I am early for my bus sometimes I run in there and grab a coffee. I do not appreciate you setting off plastic bottle bombs and nonsense there, and I am pretty sure the general population of Providence doesn't either. I know that Starbucks is taking over the world, and I would actually rather give my business to independent places like Blue State or the Edge or Coffee Exchange because well, their coffee is better - but damnitt that Starbucks is like 4 blocks closer to my house and sometimes its cold and I don't want to walk those 4 extra blocks. Plus, they are genius for building them right next to bus stops! I mean one time that Starbucks gave me hot chocolate when I ordered a latte but I was late for class already [typical] so I just took it anyway - but really, they never did anything else to make me anrgy enough to set off plastic bottle bombs. So calm the fuck down. Peace, love, and no plastic bottle bombs.
1. Somebody To Love - Jefferson Airplane. 2. Hard Knock Life - Jay- Z 3. Bold As Love - Jimi Hendrix 4. Changes - Tupac 5. Substitute - The Who 6. Flashing Lights - Kanye West 7. Hoochie Coochie Man - Muddy Waters 8. Walk Away Renee - The Left Banke 9. Maybelline - Chuck Berry 10. William It Was Really Nothing - The Smiths