Gossip Girl: Here's To You Mrs. Robinson!

Praise the Lord! GG has returned!! And it returned with an entire episode centering around one of my favorite books in high school - The Age of Innocence. Oh, it's like the CW can read my mind or something!

Sophomore year my English teacher was mad obsessed with Daniel Day Lewis so our entire reading curriculum was based around books that we could read and then watch a DDL movie version of it afterwards. And let's be honest, that's not a bad way to plan a curriculum. One of the benefits of going to an all girls high school was that no one complained when my teacher saw it fit to rewind and rewatch that kiss from The Last of the Mohicans like 4 times. [It was encouraged in fact] So did we read the Age of Innocence and rewatch that scene when Newland kisses Ellen's wrist - which GG basically made a mockery of tonight - like 25 times? Hellz yeah we did. And it was awesome.

Edith Wharton and Gossip Girl go together so well I can't believe it took them until the second season to do it this explicitly. I haven't read The Age of Innocence since high school because honestly I want to preserve the power it had for me back then- it moved me to tears when I was 16 and I think my 23 year old hardened self probably wouldn't be so affected. I think I was so moved then because the plot of The Age of Innocence basically is high school - just with operas, European countesses, summers in Newport and intricately planned balls. But as everyone's mental breakdowns during their staging of the play made evident, when you live in the world of Gossip Girl, all that stuff is high school.

Dan Humphrey seriously is Newland Archer, but come on Penn Badgley - was it just me or did your acting seriously suck this episode? Not just on stage in your school play - since Dan has never shown any inclination towards acting why would he do it suddenly now? - but the entire episode. What's bothering you? Are you and Blake on the rocks?! Dear God say it isn't so! But to paraphrase Dorota - transfer that emotion to your acting son! Because that scene in the costume closet where you tried to seduce Rachel by kissing her wrist DDL style was just....lame. In the movie its hot, so to show you how its done dear Penn, here is a primer:

[Yeah you have to click to like the 8 minute mark to get to the DDL hotness because that screen cap of the ugly old lady doesn't exactly scream sexy].

At first I didn't quite get the casting of Blair as Ellen and Serena as May - if only because in the movie the brunette Winonna Ryder is May and the blonde Michelle Pfieffer is Ellen. But Serena's penchant for bucking the rules of New York society and taking lines of coke with Georgina Sparks [YAY! Coming back soon!] seems to be more along the lines of Ellen's transgressive personality. And Blair and her headbands seem more in synch with by the book May - as both Blair and May seem to actually care what New York society thinks of them. But once I got over this switcher-roo Blair and Serena in their respective roles worked within the context of the episode [though it would have been much more scandalous if Blair had ended up in the closet with Dan, the way Edith intended it!].

And Vanessa and Nate - you are dead to me. Again. You were dead to me after that weird mailing each other crazy underwearz debacle but since that was like half a year ago I almost forgot about it. But in the words of Karen, if you have a two minute conversation about how your relationship is like a tomato, it's probably time to just break the fuck up.

My major gripe with this episode - well, besides the weird stitled acting of which Penn was the major but not the only offender [seriously it was like everyone acted like they were in a high school play the entire episode] - was that there was no mention of lillies of the valley or yellow roses. Not gonna lie, to this day if a guy gave me yellow roses in the manner of Newland Archer I would most likely melt like a popsicle in the dryer.

Finally:
Good god Chuck Bass go back to freakin' school!!!!11