It wouldn't be graduation season without some words of wisdom from parents, teachers, guest speakers of varying quality and famousness, fellow classmates, and of course, Green Day.
My little brother just graduated high school on Sunday and I can say it was a classy affair [I wore high heels and everything!] and therefore unlike the Constance Billiard/ St. Jude travesty there was no texting of lame non-threatening "labels" from shadowy bloggers or people wearing their tassels as a hair-wrap like they just got back from a Jamaican vacay. Seriously, wtf was up with that Serena?!
Anyway, like I was saying, my little brother's graduation was a classy affair but then again, it was a for a Catholic all boys school run by Jesuits, who have weathered persecution at the hands of everyone from French Protestants to the Iroquois so they know how to lay down the smack and wouldn't tolerate crazy ass hair accessories and generally boys left to their own devices don't really gravitate towards texting drama. Instead there were the requisite speeches about "the future" and its vague promise mixed in with a misty-eyed nostalgia for high school that begins immediately after it ends and genuine excitement when graduation caps were tossed in the air [my all girls Catholic high school did not allow us to take part in this tradition, because girls are obviously more worried about picking up the mess of caps afterwards].
Our favorite Upper East Siders however missed out on all these traditions because they were busy worrying about getting called a "coward," "weak," an "insider" [which btw, wtf?], "irrelevant" or worst yet! class "man whore" via text message from Gossip Girl herself. It was at this point that Serena - because she has no character consistency whatsoever - became enraged that Gossip Girl would ruin her last day of high school even though she has spent her entire high school career not getting angry when Gossip Girl has said far worse things. So you know, whatever to that writers, but consider my disbelief suspended. I guess.
Clearly, Serena did not listen to any of the wisdom bestowed upon her on graduation day or else she would have paid attention to Green Day - those purveyors of the official song of every graduating class since 1998 - and wished good riddance to Gossip Girl. Instead of realizing it was "another turning point, a fork stuck in the road" Serena decided to hold on to high school a little bit longer and sought to unearth just who exactly that tricky bitch Gossip Girl actually is. Oh Serena don't you know that's "not a question but a lesson learned in time!"
Indeed Gossip Girl once again one-upped her minions, tricking them all into showing up at the bar where Serena had set up a meeting with GG in the flesh - and gave them a text lesson, letting everyone know that Gossip Girl was actually anyone who had submitted a tip, anyone who had read the blog, etc. So sly! So meta! So unsatisfying! But necessary to continuing the show I suppose!
Speaking of good riddance, Blair should have said that to Chuck ages ago but come on, who can say that to Chuck freakin' Bass? But her patience turned out to be a virtue as finally Chuck came around and said those three words he couldn't all season - and gave Blair a box of her favorite chocolates which he traveled all the way to Europe to procure. Swoon!
Nate and Vanessa too reconciled, because apparently Nate is cougar bait and can't even keep a job because the hot older deputy mayor he was interning for hit on him. This is a] a lame reason to immediately quit your job and b] a lame reason to immediately go running back to your ex-girlfriend. But like I said, my disbelief was suspended about 30 minutes earlier.
The inevitable Blair-Chuck and Nate-Vanessa reunions mean that the dalliances with Blair-Nate and Chuck-Vanessa romances were wastes of everyone's life including mine, so thanks for that GG.
As per usual, Dan was left moping about Brooklyn meeting his long lost half brother the Linclon Hawk Love Baby in coffee shops. Surprise! Dan is going to NYU next year since he can't get financial aid from Yale! Surprise! Everyone is basically going to NYU! Surprise! Next year this show will essentially become Felicity! Surprise! Even the LHLB is going to NYU! Awwwwwkward! But a surprise that was actually pleasant was a drunken Nellie Yuki revealing her crush on Dan, because it was kind of sadly sweet and if I lived in the GG world I am pretty sure I would be Nellie, so I feel ya girl. Also I loved loved loved Nellie's dress in this scene and I hope when Target releases their GG clothing line, I can go buy that thing for like $40.
Jenny and Eric continue to be BFFs and now Jenny is the new Queen or whatever. But I don't really care about that all that much, so um, that's all I have to say about that.
Lastly Rufus and Lily are finally engaged...and all it took was some beer and some weed! ROMANCE at its finest kids. But since they are former rock star and former groupie it was weirdly appropriate and I am glad they are happy now because when their long lost son shows up at NYU as Dan's roommate in the fall [because come on, you know that's what will happen] all hell will probably break lose.
Well that is all until the fall....what will I blog about all summer?! Tear sob! I know I will be on withdrawal come Mondays, just as I am already on Lost withdrawal on Wednesdays.
But in the meantime, goodbye Gossip Girl and for what its worth, it was worth all the while.
xoxo.
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