And if I have to do that, the least I can do is make ridiculous snarky comments the entire time:
-My mother voted last night for the non-Adam. Adam "creeps her out." And my brother apparently wants to "punch him in the face."
-Randy's VELVET BOWTIE.
-wtf is this judges' montage. Unnecessary. Okay, except for Paula's. Because she is awesome.
-Not to quote Chandler Bing or anything, but could there BE any more flashing lights on this stage?
-Someone fix their mics before they have to sing!
-I have no idea who the fuck Mikalah Gordon is, but is she Fran Drescher's long lost sister!?
-Geez, I also don't know who this Carly chick is, but she looks like she has rooster hair. Idol hire a freakin' hair stylist.
-Fucking Brady Bunch variety hour set to a song by Pink.
-RUFUS HUMPHREY!
-Does it look like David Cook pretaped this at some random smaller stage to you too?
-Oh shit Randy's glasses match his bowtie!!!
-Awards?! WTF is this?!
-So how long is it until Ryan Seacrest hosts the Oscars anyway?
-Uhhhhhhh.....? That's me at a loss for words.
-Jill just called Queen Latifa "Queen Latisha."
-karebare665 (8:29:06 PM): the internet has just made me fundamentally opposed to paying for music
karebare665 (8:29:09 PM): on principle
[This means that someone will not be paying for David Cook's new single no matter if its for a good cause. Sorry, but recent grads are poor.]
-YES! I love this Indian dude. I call him "The Priyesh Kid" since he looks like my friend Priyesh singing karaoke. It's a pretty self explanatory nickname.
-Okay this Jason Mraz duet+ is way more enjoyable than that Brady Bunch Pink nonsense.
-Kris Allen is 23! Me too! Holla!
-Is Keith Urban the one married to Nicole Kidman?
-I Want To Kiss A Girl. This song was already released about 15 years ago. And its on the Little Mermaid soundtrack.
-Could Simon BE any more bored looking?! [Apparently to get through watching American Idol you have to adopt a cynical Chandler like persona. Note: Laa13laa (8:42:28 PM): i have noticed that while watching this, every sentence that pops in my head has been in Chandler Bing parlance.jillzawacki (8:43:05 PM): "could this be anymore [fill-in-the-blank]?"]
-GLAMOROUS!! This is so appropriate because 10 minutes ago Karen told me she wouldn't download David Cook's song legally because in 2 weeks she wouldn't be obsessed with it anymore, unlike Glamorous which she is permanently [oops, bad word choice] obsessed with.
karebare665 (8:30:43 PM): only a lucky few songs can be like glamorous
-What was with that like 30 second censor on Fergie!? What did she do!?
-Those backup dancers remind me of this Annie Leibovitz photo of Keith Haring that I sold prints of for 4 years at an art museum:
-Omfg wtf is this duet?1?! Kara clearly does not want to be a judge, but wants to be a contestant.
-The looks on the faces of David Cook's band when they saw Kara in a bikini is exactly the same expression that was on my face.
-Did Cyndi Lauper just join an Appalachian band?!
-Lionel Ritchie!? Wearing a Matrix coat?!
-YES I LOVE ALL NIGHT LONG. [Should I not have admitted that?]
-OMG Adam's shoulder pads!! I like them....I think?
-Good lord. KISS.
-DETROIT ROCK CITY!!
-Triple split screen? That was....weird.
-So Kris gets the guy who is maybe married to Nicole Kidman and Adam gets KISS and pyrotechnics? That seems horribly unfair Idol producers.
-For a hot second at the beginning I couldn't decide if Carlos was playing Smooth or Black Magic Woman. Ah, he is apparently playing both. Get your ears checked woman.
-Heather Lockleer because.......?
-Can I go on American Idol just to get a free Ford hybrid?!?!?! Also, can Ford afford to give away free cars these days!? [Being back in Detroit this past week, I can tell you the answer is: no.]
-STEVE MARTIN ON A BANJO! This is literally the best thing that has occurred in 2 hours.
-No for serious, I kind of love this song. Please be up on YouTube soon!
-Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! This creepy kid that lived down the hall from me my freshman year in college in the dorms would always play this Rod Stewart song before we all went out for the night. It conjures not so good memories.
-I'm convinced this isn't actually Rod Stewart singing, but Danny D, my local Rod Stewart impersonator.
-So Carrie Underwood's dress makes her look pregnant.
-Who is this crying girl?! Can she please stfu?!
-QUEEN!! And smoke machines!! And a fucking choir!
-Ahahhahah the choir is actually discarded Idols that I recognize from earlier in the show. Oops.
-Is it really fair to let this Kris kid sing along with Adam to a Queen song?
-Oooooooooooooooh snap 42 hours later! The verdict!
-Why am I nervous? I don't even know who these people are really! Fucking intense music.
-KRIS ALLEN!!!!!!!!! No fucking way!!!! My mom's two votes last night clearly paid off!!!!
-I kind of like this guy because he keeps saying "Dude are you freakin' serious!"
-Simon looks hella pissed. Please, like Adam isn't going to release a record.
-This song makes me want to punch a hole in my TV.
-Awwww. But everyone looks happy for him. And his parents are kind of adorable.
-Sparks!!!! And confetti!!!
-PEACE OUT. I can't believe I watched this for two + hours.
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