The Week's Playlist.

1. Waterloo Sunset - The Kinks
2. 20th Century Boy - T-Rex
3. Maps - Yeah Yeah Yeahs
4. Summer Cannibals - Patti Smith
5. Right Thurr - Chingy
6. Banquet - Bloc Party
7. High School - MC5
8. We Didn't Start the Fire - Billy Joel
9. Ashokan Farewell - Jay Unger
10. Hypnotize - The White Stripes

Lost: Life Is Like A Box of Chocolates.

Clearly its time to start writing Lost recaps 1) so I have something to write about other than Gossip Girl and 2) the only person who reads this blog is Karen, and basically the only things Karen and I both watch are Lost and GG. Well, and Grey's Anatomy. But that's only worth watching these days to see what sort of crazy-assed storyline they come up with next. And to laugh at it.

So.

Anyway.

Let me tell you why I love Lost: This is the only show on television that could have a fucking canoe chase and get away with it.

[digression] Grey's Anatomy needs to take a lesson from its fellow ABC show: The first episode of Lost began with an unexplained plane crash and ended with weird noises emanating from the jungle and trees getting mysteriously knocked over. In other words, you expect crazy shit to happen on this show. So take note Shondra Rimes: you cannot start your show off as a normal hospital soap drama only in the 5th season to decide its time to delve into magical realism and have a ghost/apparition/wtf of Denny appear. If you start normal, stay normal. [end digression]

But bless its heart, Lost started crazy and luckily for us, is staying crazy. Canoe chases! Guns hidden in boxes of chocolate! Nurses wielding tranq dart guns! Mysterious beams of light! Shipwrecked pregnant French chicks! Korean dudes back from the dead [or perhaps we should say, back from the future]! Time travelling nose bleeds! All in one episode!


Unfortunately for us however, this episode featured alot of Jack and Kate who weren't that interesting on the island and are even less interesting off it. As usually happens, the main character[s] in ensemble shows are actually the least interesting - its the crazy characters around them that make the show worth watching. Case in point: I didn't even realize last week's episode was completely devoid of the Oceanic 6 until it was over. What makes Lost interesting is the magical island, not necessarily Kate being mopey around Los Angeles. Also, Jack's post-island wolfman beard scared me kinda, so I am glad that's gone.

The only Oceanic 6 person I really enjoyed in this episode was Sun, who has become more interesting now that she's off the island and is turning into some sort of spy/ mafia don who recieves sketch survelliance photos and guns hidden in the bottom of boxes of chocolate. And then takes her gun with her when she "babysits." Also, it is rather suspicious that Sun's baby is like...nowhere. Kidnapped? Dead? Trapped in a time warp? Eaten by Ben for breakfast?

As per usual, the more interesting shit happened back on the island. It still weirds me out to hear Juliet say something like "that was only two months ago" when refering to an incident that occurred during the first season. But at least unlike some shows [GREY'S ANATOMY cough cough] Lost has set a timeline and rigourously sticks to it.

Aside from taking part in a canoe chase, everyone left on the island jumped backward/forward/sideways in time enough to make my brain want to bleed out of my nose too. But at least we got to see that rather touching scene of Sawyer watching past Kate help Claire deliver Aaron - and all that time travel warranted a few references to Boone. Boone! Remember that dude?! No one's talked about him in forever, and he was kind of hot...not Sawyer hot, but you know, not bad. But anyway, watching past Kate prompted Sawyer to spill his broken heart all over the beach to Juliet, which was rather sweet and omfg Sawyer I heart you. Daniel Farraday continues to be awesome, dropping just enough hints [Miles: I've only been here two weeks. Farraday: You sure about that?] so that I can't decide if he actually knows more than he's letting on, or just doesn't know anything at all. Juliet was kind of a badass this episode, telling Sawyer to "go away" and utilizing gun during canoe chase skillz straight out of Last of the Mohicans. And I kind of just wish Charlotte's brain would just bleed out her damn nose already, because for some reason I have yet to pinpoint, she irks me. And Miles reminds me of someone I know, but I haven't decided who yet.

And come on Lost, I can't go for much longer without a John/Ben scene!!! excla!!
But next week John falls into a wormhole [I hope when he pops out he has glitter all over his head, like Giselle does in Enchanted], so that will have to fill the void in the meantime.

HA!

As if the cosmos have read my mind, the first picture confirmation of Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr [yes, that is her name] making out has surfaced. So I guess its not allegedly or supposedly anymore. You are very lucky Jessica as the only thing hotter than Chuck Bass is Chuck Bass with an English accent.
Also, someone PLEASE PLEASE give me a job. I shouldn't have the time to make two blog posts about things I have read on Pink in the New Blog in one day.

Love, snow and Gossip.

Continuing to prove that for some reason the character of Blair Waldorf is simply devolving this season back into her former bratty and annoying self, Pink is the New Blog has photos of her kissing Nate on set. This is both good and bad - as wtf why Nate? I thought that was like, so, totally, omfg over. Chuck is so much more interesting! But on the flip side, thank god Nate finally has something other to do besides look pretty and get all googly over Vanessa.
Maybe Vanessa will make out Chuck?! Ed Westwick and Jessica Szohr [That's her name right? I don't feel like hitting up Wiki] are dating in real life anyway. Supposedly. Allegedly. Maybe.
Anyway, here you go. All this picture really proves is that New England/Middle Colonies weather is wonky, as yesterday it was like 75 degrees here and today it fucking snowed. Touche Al Gore, touche.

Gossip Girl: We Don't Need No Education.

Ah! It was only a matter of time! Any teen drama worth its salt has a good teacher/student fling, and GG took theirs at warp speed. Why it was only last week that Dan and Ms. New Naive Midwest Teacher Cliche were making eyes over coffee when he invited her out to explore the wilds of Brooklyn. And while Dan and the new teacher were gettin' bizzy [can I type that? I'm white] Serena walked around wearing a Sherlock Holmes coat, Blair regressed to a whiny bitch and Chuck Bass discovered what really happened to Eliot Spitzer.

Sometimes I forget that these characters are actually in high school because you know....they never go to school!!!11 I know Vanessa is "home-schooled" and by home-schooled she really just means she walks around Brooklyn all day looking for more crazy colored leggings to wear. But Chuck hasn't been to school since...ever? And as of today Nate apparently no longer goes to school either, as he has time to wander about the city with his home-schooled lady love and billionaire bff. I guess this is really just the fault of editing - it would be too confusing to have a school day take up a chunk of an hour show and not have story lines concerning other characters come in until say, the second half hour. But when you show some characters in school and then immediately splice to others not in school it gives the impression that these things are happening at the same time. [just FYI]

Anyway, unlike some people Blair actually acted like what she really is in this episode: a spoiled high school girl. Why exactly, is her dad suddenly in town? With a bulldog? Convienent for this storyline, eh? Blair's little Barack-style rev 'em up speech at the beginning was kind of funny [mainly because of the choice of background music] but for the rest of the episode she was just whiny and annoying in ways she hasn't been since the first season. I was always on Team Van Der Woodsen because Blair was so bratty, but then mainly through her tough relationship with Chuck she seemed to have matured alot and in the process grew on me. But in this episode she regressed a year in her life - I blame it on the writers, not you Leighton Meester. Well, maybe I blame it a little on you Leighton.

Speaking of Chuck, his dad was apparently involved in some sort of Da Vinci Code Secret Strip Club kind of thing whose members wear masks, kidnap Connecticut nannies and leave cryptic messages for fun savanger hunts around the city! Now that Chuck rolls with Opus Dei or the Illuminati or the Skulls and Bones or whatevs, he woke up from his night of mayhem with a nice new fake wrist tattoo. My mistake, that clearly means he's actually now a Death Eater! Whenever Uncle Jack wants to summon the other Death Eaters he just sprinkles some cocaine on his tattoo and everyone else's tattoo starts to burn and itch and then a giant Bass Industries logo appears over Manhattan and....too much? Yeah, I should stop.

But for godssakes NATE AND VANESSA. You know that annoying couple that gets all smashed together and never go anywhere alone and only talk to each other and giggle secretly in the corner and make out in front of everyone and so you have to make them a nickname wherein you combine both their names because they are now a single person?! Well that is Nate and Vanessa. Or should I say NANESSA?!! Or VATE!?

I am only letting you slide Nate because you gave a shout out to Rhode Island and Providence Plantations. Wait. It was a creepy reference. You said your mom was in Newport so you could invite Vanessa over for weird Da Vinci Code Masked Secret Society Sex. I take it back.

Nate and Vanessa, you are dead to me.

Well...not as dead to me as Dan Humphrey as that final scene with him and the teacher was well, yeah, creepy.
Letourneau! Fualaau! Party of two!

Yay/ Nay.

Yay:

The Office Super Bowl Special.

The Office is generally reliably funny - and funnier than anything else on TV right now except maybe 30 Rock - but this season it hasn't been as funny. That is until their one-hour Super Bowl special, which featured a roast of Michael, Stanley in a wheel chair [but because he had a heart attack!?] and Dwight mutilating a CPR dummy. The best part however was before the credits even rolled, as Dwight thought the way to teach everyone about fire safety was to simulate an actual fire - throwing a cigarette into a trash can, but only after he had made certain to unhook all the phones, heat all the door handles with a blow torch and jam all the exits. The ensuing several minutes as the workers of Dunder-Mifflin tried to escape was the perfect bit of Office mayhem and stupidity to serve as an antidote to what has been a rather somber season. The Office works best when it makes uncomfortable situations funny, but this season with storylines such as Pam flunking out of art school, Meredith's alcoholism and the Dwight-Angela-Andy love triangle things have been more overwhelmingly uncomfortable than funny. As per usual, everything ended awkwardly with Micheal nearly in tears and Jack Black making out with Cloris Leachman. But at least this time it was funny.

I am up so late that NBC has posted this clip already:



Animal Planet's Puppy Bowl.

So apparently - this has been on for several years now, but unfortunately I haven't watched it until my friend and I stumbled across it during our post-Office channel surfing. But omfg.best.idea.for.a.tv.show.ever. Let's put some puppies in a giant box! And paint it like a football field! And throw them some chew toys! And film it! No one watches anything else on Super Bowl Sunday except football so no one will notice that we have given up! Fucking genius. And more importantly, fucking cute.

This is from last year's Puppy Bowl, but let's be honest cute puppies are cute puppies:



Nay:

The City.

I finally decided that maybe I should give Whitney's Hills spin-off a try, just because, well I am unemployed and bored. I watched less than 10 minutes of the first episode and knew already that it would suck. Why? Olivia Palermo is basically the real-life Blair Waldorf but since she's not a real TV character but like, a "real" person she's just annoying and not entertaining. Hey! But her even more annoying cousin that follows her around was arrested for drugs! And prostitution! Why isn't he on the show more?! And Whitney's new bf Jay is the Australian Justin-Bobby, complete with greasy unwashed hair, a "band" that he has to "travel" with, commitment issues and philosophical waxings over dinner that don't make any sense if you actually think about them. And Whitney's new bff/LC replacement is some girl named Erin who is only interesting because her dad is from AC/DC. Oh, and everyone calls Whitney "Whit." God. And Whit-Whit isn't even interesting, even when she gets more stuff to do than just make funny faces at LC from across her desk. Whitney would probably make a good friend in real life, but in fake life [because come on, you know this is fake] she's just not that interesting. I stopped watching and watched on old episode of Gossip Girl instead.

But the real reason this show is no good is because its opening credits look EXACTLY like the original Beverly Hills 90210 opening credits. And not in a good kitschy hey-remember-that! fun kind of way. But in a let's just steal that style because everyone that watches this show is too young to know there was even an original 90210 kind of way.

Exhibit A:


Exhibit B:


Pepsi. And Bob. [And The Who].

I have a creepy love-obsession for Bob Dylan so I have to respect Pepsi for wanting him for a Super Bowl commercial...but with Will.i.am?! Does recording a song about Obama make you my generation's The Times They Are A-Changin' bard? God, I hope not. This commercial is decidedly less creepy than the Victoria Secret commercial, mainly because it features young Bob and not the old one who I am pretty sure is skeezy. I wonder how Jakub Dylan feels knowing that a song written to commerate his birth is now a Pepsi commercial...but probably he just wishes they chose a Wallflowers song instead. And Bob is probably happy that Pepsi chose Forever Young since no one - and I mean no one, since this even applies to a Bob addict like me - listens to the album its on, Planet Waves. So maybe five people will purchase that album at Best Buy this weekend. And as if it wasn't enough for Pepsi to hijack that illustrious icon of the 60s Bob Dylan they also hijacked one of its anthems, My Generation, for another commerical. I am pretty sure My Generation rails against the conformist commercialism inherent in Pepsi ads, but hey, there are only two actual members of The Who left and they can't keep touring forever, and Kennedy Center Honors just don't pay the bills.

Unacceptable, but I watched it three times anyway:




Teenage wasteland, indeed:

This Week's Playlist.

1. Standing in the Way of Control - The Gossip
2. Tambourine - Eve
3. Wild World - Cat Stevens
4. Forever Young - Joan Baez
5. New Slang - The Shins
6. On The Radio - Regina Spektor
7. Don't Let Me Down - The Beatles
8. Working My Way Back to You - The Detroit Spinners
9. Everlong - The Foo Fighters
10. Halo - Beyonce [re-obsession!]