Since November 4th I've like resolved to love America and stuff so I guess I have to give you the benefit of our due process and say you are innocent until proven guilty but - are you fucking stupid?!
But you turned yourself into the police yesterday so that seems like some sort of admission of guilt, so let me yell at you a bit on this blog 2 people read. You are 19, dating [dated??] Rihanna, your song With You has near 87 million [!!!] views on YouTube, the little girls are all aaaaaaaaaaah Chris Brown, you were nominated for Grammys, I am sure you are ridiculously way too rich for any 19 year old to be and here you go do something this idiotic. Coming from an unemployed 23 year old who has $20,000 + student loan debt and $550 in rent due in 3 weeks and almost $200 due in utilities this month [because its been 3 degrees everyday this winter it seems] if you are young, good-looking, talented and rich for godssakes at least make sure you stay rich. Your $50,000 bail?!! That could have paid off all my loans and paid me and my roommates' rent and utilities bills for like...ever.
But all that money is basically a moot point when you consider the fact that you wailed on Rihanna! Abuse of any kind against any one is awful and intolerable, but come on dude, you beat on Rihanna - your career just doesn't come back from that. Two words: Micheal Jackson. He went from Billie Jean to wandering around in masks and dangling babies from hotel balconies. And let's be honest, does anyone really like Ike Turner?
Of course I went to YouTube for the express purpose of reading the comments on Chris Brown videos and apparently there is a rumor circulating YouTube comments [god help us now that people think YouTube comments are a reliable source of info] that Rihanna gave you a STD. And creepily enough, some people seem to think this in some way excuses you...ummm....wtf?! Punching someone in the face because they gave you an STD is the not the proper way to solve the issue. Note:
George is now basically being written off that show, so you know, just saying.
And to Rihanna, I heart you. I know a 23 year old grad student shouldn't heart Rihanna, but well I do. I listen to Umbrella like once a week even though its two years old because its still a good song; you can tell a song is good if you can remember the first time you heard it and I remember the first time I heard Umbrella. I was in Switzerland and my friends and I were excited to find a radio station playing music in English - first we heard R.E.M and then this song came on and I remember my friend and I both looked at each other at the same instant and were like "Is she singing about....an umbrella?!" And here I am two years later, listening to a song about an umbrella - so for that Rihanna you deserve my respect, as I do not listen to many songs two years after they are released, let alone a song about umbrellas. So keep on keeping on Rihanna as myself and the umbrellas of the world will always have a special place for you in our hearts.
And finally, let us not forget the third victim in this tragedy [the first two being Rihanna and Chris Brown's career]: Wrigley's Double Mint Gum. This Double Mint commerical aired during the Grammys yesterday and it was....awkward? Poor gum. Too bad you already paid for this nonsense Wrigley's:
Next time you need a spokesperson Wrigley's maybe you should ask Miley Cyrus. I hear she's really good at avoiding controversy.
Showing posts with label The Grammys. Show all posts
Showing posts with label The Grammys. Show all posts
Monday, February 9, 2009
Sunday, February 8, 2009
A Grammy List.
1. As per usual, DETROIT WAS ROBBED. The Grammys had time for an awful duet by Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus, but its the 50th Anniversary of Motown and you couldn't even put together a proper tribute?! The Smokey/Duke/Ne-Yo/Jamie Fox Four Tops tribute was actually one of the better performances of the evening, seeing as they actually selected relevant participants, unlike some of the other random groupings which would occur throughout the evening. But it wasn't even announced that this was a Motown tribute, or that it was Motown's 50th Anniversary....or anything. WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE DETROIT?!
2. The shot of T.I. grooving along with Neil Diamond? Amazing.
3. Katy Perry should not be allowed in public. I actually really like her album so it saddens me to see her live - its amazing how much Auto-tune must have been used to make her sound like she does. At least Kanye recognizes he can't sing and told everyone about the Auto-Tune - that way when he sings live we all know in advance to plug our ears [and also now that he is rocking a mullet(?!!) to advert our eyes]. Sorry Katy no matter how much giant fruit there is, I will not be going to your concert.
Your cute faces and banana hips won't distract us from your lack of voice Katy:
4. M.I.A. I love you. There is no one else in the fucking world that would perform on the Grammys on their due date. And by "perform" I mean waddle around stage like a duck in a polka dot/sheer bikini thing while T.I., Kanye, Jay Z and Lil Wanye waltz around you. Normally I would not condone lip-syncing - especially because your only line was "Swagger like us" - but since you were performing on the Grammys on your due date, I will let it slide. However I think my roommate said it best when she yelled at the TV: "Someone get her to a hospital! I am worried!!!" Indeed, oh indeed.
They will start selling this ensemble in the Target maternity section next week:
5. Speaking of Jay-Z, did anyone else notice his date was Solange?!
6. Look, I fucking love the Beatles [really is there anyone on earth who doesn't?]. But why exactly did Paul McCartney sing I Saw Her Standing There? Was this one of those oh shit Chris Brown just got arrested so we need someone to fill his spot so lets ask Sir Paul hey dude you know all those Beatles songs by heart right so wanna sing an oldie but goodie and we know it sucks Ringo isn't here but hey that drummer from Nirvana is so wanna take up some time thanks performances? Also, its not 1993 anymore so cut your damn hair Dave Grohl.
7. So earlier today I went dress shopping [gaaaaaaaaaaah!] and didn't find a dress I liked. Until I came home and saw Jennifer Hudson wearing it on stage:
8. The Jonas Brothers + Stevie Wonder = wtf. Like...I don't even know what else to say. Well, except for the fact that I just watched it again on YouTube and just realized that the Extra Super Pretty Jonas plays the bongos for a hot second:
9. Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin are rich right? They can like, afford a stylist? Why then did it look like Coldplay fished through the dumpsters behind Abbey Road Studios to find some dirty and weirdly colored Sgt. Pepper get-up and like Gwen was wearing a dress that someone had stapled old Christmas tinsel to?
Give Paul McCartney his coat back, he was sitting across the aisle:
Also, Christmas was like...two months ago:
10. When Lil Wayne jumped up and down on stage after winning his best rap album award I was really, REALLY afraid his pants were going to fall down. Kind of like this actually. Luckily they didn't. And luckily he didn't talk for very long either because his voice [or lack there of] annoys me. Like a lot.
11. Has anyone even listened to that damn Robert Plant/ Allison Krauss album?!
12. Could the Grammys think of no one better to introduce Lil Wayne than Gary Sinese? Also, why didn't LL Cool J just sucker punch Jay Mohr in the face? Come on LL, mamma said knock him out!
13. In summary: ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.
2. The shot of T.I. grooving along with Neil Diamond? Amazing.
3. Katy Perry should not be allowed in public. I actually really like her album so it saddens me to see her live - its amazing how much Auto-tune must have been used to make her sound like she does. At least Kanye recognizes he can't sing and told everyone about the Auto-Tune - that way when he sings live we all know in advance to plug our ears [and also now that he is rocking a mullet(?!!) to advert our eyes]. Sorry Katy no matter how much giant fruit there is, I will not be going to your concert.
Your cute faces and banana hips won't distract us from your lack of voice Katy:
4. M.I.A. I love you. There is no one else in the fucking world that would perform on the Grammys on their due date. And by "perform" I mean waddle around stage like a duck in a polka dot/sheer bikini thing while T.I., Kanye, Jay Z and Lil Wanye waltz around you. Normally I would not condone lip-syncing - especially because your only line was "Swagger like us" - but since you were performing on the Grammys on your due date, I will let it slide. However I think my roommate said it best when she yelled at the TV: "Someone get her to a hospital! I am worried!!!" Indeed, oh indeed.
They will start selling this ensemble in the Target maternity section next week:
5. Speaking of Jay-Z, did anyone else notice his date was Solange?!
6. Look, I fucking love the Beatles [really is there anyone on earth who doesn't?]. But why exactly did Paul McCartney sing I Saw Her Standing There? Was this one of those oh shit Chris Brown just got arrested so we need someone to fill his spot so lets ask Sir Paul hey dude you know all those Beatles songs by heart right so wanna sing an oldie but goodie and we know it sucks Ringo isn't here but hey that drummer from Nirvana is so wanna take up some time thanks performances? Also, its not 1993 anymore so cut your damn hair Dave Grohl.
7. So earlier today I went dress shopping [gaaaaaaaaaaah!] and didn't find a dress I liked. Until I came home and saw Jennifer Hudson wearing it on stage:
8. The Jonas Brothers + Stevie Wonder = wtf. Like...I don't even know what else to say. Well, except for the fact that I just watched it again on YouTube and just realized that the Extra Super Pretty Jonas plays the bongos for a hot second:
9. Gwenyth Paltrow and Chris Martin are rich right? They can like, afford a stylist? Why then did it look like Coldplay fished through the dumpsters behind Abbey Road Studios to find some dirty and weirdly colored Sgt. Pepper get-up and like Gwen was wearing a dress that someone had stapled old Christmas tinsel to?
Give Paul McCartney his coat back, he was sitting across the aisle:
Also, Christmas was like...two months ago:
10. When Lil Wayne jumped up and down on stage after winning his best rap album award I was really, REALLY afraid his pants were going to fall down. Kind of like this actually. Luckily they didn't. And luckily he didn't talk for very long either because his voice [or lack there of] annoys me. Like a lot.
11. Has anyone even listened to that damn Robert Plant/ Allison Krauss album?!
12. Could the Grammys think of no one better to introduce Lil Wayne than Gary Sinese? Also, why didn't LL Cool J just sucker punch Jay Mohr in the face? Come on LL, mamma said knock him out!
13. In summary: ZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzz.
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
Yay/ Nay.
Yay:
Circus - Britney Spears
I inexplicably love Britney, and this song is ridiculously catchy. [It's this week's Single Ladies!] I like it so much in fact that my tickets for Britney's tour are already on pre-order! And the video? Um, awesome. It's like I'm a Slave 4 U set at the circus - which I would say is a good thing. Also, a tear formed in my eye during Britney: For the Record, which is probably a sign of the distressed and stressed mental state I am in right now, as Britney Spears is making me cry. [Also, when is someone releasing the inevitable Circus vs. Rainy Day Women mash up?!]
A put on a show kinda girl:
Top Chef
Actually, I am addicted to Fabio on Top Chef. He's Italian! And he has an accent! And he's from Firenze! Home to the David! And honest to god his name is Fabio! Perfect! I am pretty sure Padma and Gail are in love with him, and Ted Allen probably will be too as soon as he makes his requisite appearances this season. Also, he doesn't suck so I am going to call it now and say Fabio probably makes it to the finale. You heard it here first.
4:40 mark. Soup? You gotta be kidding me!!
Nay:
Grey's Anatomy
Two words: ghost. sex. Grey's has jumped the shark about twenty times but with this Izzie/Dead Denny/ Alex storyline they just jumped the Great White from Jaws. The only bright spot might be that it could signal the complete breakdown of Izzie Stevens and therefore hopefully her departure from the show. She's annoying. And I think Katherine Hiegl might be attempting to make her more annoying than ever before in retribution for that whole Emmy fiasco. Definitely no Emmy for you now Katherine!! [Though at this point, that might not be your fault].
Thank you Joel McHale:
The Grammys
Lil Wayne?!!?!!! For serious?! I can't understand a word he says....ever! And Coldplay is kind of obnoxious, but whatevs, who else would you nominate? I am pretty sure Alicia Keys got robbed, but then again, the Grammys do love her - so maybe its time to give someone else a shot. But hey, I'm so not disappointed that Paper Planes is up for record of the year! Just mildly disappointed that it probably never would have gotten that nomination if it wasn't for a Seth Rogen movie trailer. Though now that M.I.A. is all upset that she doesn't get shot at as much in New York as she did back home in Sri Lanka and that this is really cramping her style, what's she going to do with a Grammy Nomination?! Retire or something?
Fly like paper get high like planes:
Circus - Britney Spears
I inexplicably love Britney, and this song is ridiculously catchy. [It's this week's Single Ladies!] I like it so much in fact that my tickets for Britney's tour are already on pre-order! And the video? Um, awesome. It's like I'm a Slave 4 U set at the circus - which I would say is a good thing. Also, a tear formed in my eye during Britney: For the Record, which is probably a sign of the distressed and stressed mental state I am in right now, as Britney Spears is making me cry. [Also, when is someone releasing the inevitable Circus vs. Rainy Day Women mash up?!]
A put on a show kinda girl:
Top Chef
Actually, I am addicted to Fabio on Top Chef. He's Italian! And he has an accent! And he's from Firenze! Home to the David! And honest to god his name is Fabio! Perfect! I am pretty sure Padma and Gail are in love with him, and Ted Allen probably will be too as soon as he makes his requisite appearances this season. Also, he doesn't suck so I am going to call it now and say Fabio probably makes it to the finale. You heard it here first.
4:40 mark. Soup? You gotta be kidding me!!
Nay:
Grey's Anatomy
Two words: ghost. sex. Grey's has jumped the shark about twenty times but with this Izzie/Dead Denny/ Alex storyline they just jumped the Great White from Jaws. The only bright spot might be that it could signal the complete breakdown of Izzie Stevens and therefore hopefully her departure from the show. She's annoying. And I think Katherine Hiegl might be attempting to make her more annoying than ever before in retribution for that whole Emmy fiasco. Definitely no Emmy for you now Katherine!! [Though at this point, that might not be your fault].
Thank you Joel McHale:
The Grammys
Lil Wayne?!!?!!! For serious?! I can't understand a word he says....ever! And Coldplay is kind of obnoxious, but whatevs, who else would you nominate? I am pretty sure Alicia Keys got robbed, but then again, the Grammys do love her - so maybe its time to give someone else a shot. But hey, I'm so not disappointed that Paper Planes is up for record of the year! Just mildly disappointed that it probably never would have gotten that nomination if it wasn't for a Seth Rogen movie trailer. Though now that M.I.A. is all upset that she doesn't get shot at as much in New York as she did back home in Sri Lanka and that this is really cramping her style, what's she going to do with a Grammy Nomination?! Retire or something?
Fly like paper get high like planes:
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