I love Georgina Sparks so much. She makes my insides go all gooey happy like a fluffernutter sandwich. Why do I love her so much? Oh, because she is insane. And a stalker. And man, I love me a good TV stalker.
I also love me some shirtless Dan Humphrey, so thanks for causing that as well Georgina.
Our episode began as it usually does, with Serena wearing some zippered mess of an outfit, Blair being a pushy bitch, Vanessa lurking where she shouldn't be and Dan making out with someone inappropriate. This time the someone inappropriate was at least Georgina and not his kinda sister, and when all three ladies caught Dan in his moment of shame it resulted in some legitimate hilariousness, so kudos on that writers. It was kind of V and S to remind Dan that he was you know, getting it on with a psycho. But in Dan's defense he had previously hooked up with "Sarah" from "Portland," so maybe he's into crazy psycho bitches. Some guys are, I mean how else would explain the fact that Jay-Z agreed to marry Beyonce?
Anyway, while Dan was into Georgina basically only because he's a horny college freshman and she was a willing participant, G was already making photos of the two of them the wallpaper on her laptop. Adorable!
Speaking of adorable, isn't it cute when your bf lies about the fact that he doesn't even go to your school?! Scott "Addler" of course was playing everyone, but because Vanessa is a doormat it took her forever to find out. Georgina discovered his true identity online in a hot fucking second, because well, she's Georgina. And if anyone knows how to run the I'm Not Who I Say I Am Game it's Georgina, and unlike amateur Scott girlfriend knows how to run it right. Georgina distracted Dan from her every breath you take every move you make ways by convincing him that Scott was the real stalker, tracking Dan down after he wrote him a fan letter for his piece that was published in the New Yorker, and in the process managed to score herself an invite to the charity auction that everyone and their brother was for some inexplicable reason going to [Also, bitch please. Sometimes I want to write Slavoj Zizek a fan letter, but I don't track him down].
Georgina and Scott weren't the only ones scheming this episode - Blair and Chuck also tried to sabotage Carter Bazen because I think he did something bad to Chuck last season I can't remember but don't want to put the effort into thinking about, and because somewhere along the line he macked on Blair and I am 100% sure that ended badly [right?]. But Blair actually was genuinely concerned that Serena was dating a skeez - because its not like her boyfriend Chuck isn't one himself or anything - and she wanted to suddenly become an actual good friend and look out for S. But because she's Blair, she can't be concerned like a normal person and instead she had to cook up some elaborate nonsense that involved bottles of champagne and a fake girl that Carter never actually slept with. But the jig was up in the end, and Carter was cleared of all charges - except for the fact that something actually did go down with Bree's family which I am sure we will hear about in the coming weeks, whether we care or not. [I don't care.]
But Blair and Chuck were so wrapped up in their own schemes they didn't realize they were being played themselves, by the puppet master Georgina. Georgina screwed with Chuck and Blair essentially because she could, which skyrockets her awesomeness. She convinced Blair she would become a part of some secret society if she just bought some old skool photograph at Sotheby's, and had a minion likewise convince Chuck he needed to score the same photo to impress a business partner. Let the hilarious auction scene ensue! I don't know what was more humorous, Chuck and Blair duking it out over some ridiculous photo or the fact that Sotheby's let Serena inside dressed like a stripper and Georgina in dressed in an Amy Winehouse Halloween costume circa 2006. Note to self: next time you're in New York go to Sotheby's because they let anyone in.
There was of course absolutely no real reason every single character on the show should be at a charity auction, but hey whatevs, it was totally cool because it gave Scott the chance to fess up about his secret. False! He told everyone his "Addler" identity was a lie by coming clean with another lie! I underestimated you son, maybe you and Georgina are soul mates after all. You two crazy kids can go be fluffernutters together and it will be happily ever after. After all, Georgina was scorned by Dan and now she knows the Humphrey/Van der Woodsen/"Addler" family secret, so she's going to make all their lives a living hell. You might as well get on her good side and go in on the schemes together Scott, because if you're going to continue this shady lying you could probably learn a thing or two from G.
Also, surprise! Eric actually talked this episode! And his observation that David Bowie is a dead ringer for Shakira is totally true! Check it out:
Hey Eric, you should talk more often!
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