Monday, April 19, 2010

Gossip Girl: Let's Get Married.

So last week, I had my GG blog 3/4 done and then Blogger decided it was going to delete it. And then real life [I have one of those occasionally] happened, and I never rewrote it. Oh well. But this week was better anyway, because it was about Dorota! Kocham CiÄ™ Dorota!!!!

Everyone knows that Dorota is the best character on Gossip Girl [and that there's a good chance she actually is Gossip Girl], but before we can get to her we have to slough through talking about everyone else. Just kidding! I love them all! But not as much as Dorota!

The only person I love on almost the same level as Dorota is Chuck, and he solidified my love by throwing a Polish wedding and pulling a flask out of his pajamas. As a Polish girl myself, I can say that the quickest way to our heart is with some booze, so you're on the right track Mr. Chuck.

Okay,  fine - Chuck is a pretty hardcore jerk, as evidenced by the fact that his dreams look like some Humphrey Bogart noir movie. But you have to admit  managing to sell out Blair and then make her feel guilty for breaking up with him was some pretty suave shit.  Considering that Blair has struggled with an eating disorder [Yeah, do any of the writers remember that?] it's clear that she's had some self image issues, so the fact that she left Chuck because she realized that he made her feel like the worst version of herself instead of the best, is understandable.

You know what else wouldn't help Blair's self image? That hideous bridesmaid dress that looked like it came from that long ago Project Runway challenge where the designers had to make a skating outfit for Sasha Cohen [Santino! Chloe! Andre! Oh how I miss you!].

Anyway, when Blair saw how adorable Vanya and Dorota were she decided she was over the games with Chuck - they weren't fun and exciting anymore, just tiresome and humiliating if you end up on the wrong end of them.  But as Serena so sagely pointed out, Chuck and Blair love games so its only a matter of time until they fall back into their old ways. Or, in the immortal words of Fleetwood Mac: "Thunder only happens when its raining/ players only love you when they're playing."  Ever since Blair and Chuck have hooked up they've lost some of their zing, mainly because part of their charm was watching them circle each other like protagonists in, well, a Humphrey Bogart noir movie.  So while its beyond obvious that these two ultimately belong together, for the sake of plot, I am looking forward to them finding their way back to each other.

And in the meantime, Blair is totally going to hook up with Dan, since he was the one who was there to tell her she wasn't a horrible person when she was feeling all sad and depressed. Plus, I am pretty sure Blair's had a minor crush on him ever since he threw her headband down a stairwell, so mark my words. This will happen.

But do you know who thinks they're Chuck and Blair? Nate and Serena!  FALSE. They will never take their places in our hearts, even if they attempt their own stupid head games.  Serena lied to Nate to go see Carter Bazen because he is the ONLY person on the Upper East Side who has a P.I. [again, false] since apparently she is still searching for her father.  And Serena couldn't tell Nate about it because.....? Well whatever excuse she gave Nate made no sense, and because he has no sense himself he kind of bought it for the time being.  Until she ran off with Carter in the middle of a wedding and Jenny acted like a little bitch who I am starting to love and snooped in her purse and found incriminating evidence.

So Jenny is getting her claws into Nate, which is surprising considering that hideous ensemble she was wearing consisting of a nude dress that looked like a Band-Aid across the bust, hooker tights and garish lipstick.  But since Nate is dating Serena, I guess he's into that look.  And now that Serena is in Palm Springs distracted and dealing with family dramz, Jenny can really go in for the kill. Team Jenny! But not Team What Jenny Was Wearing At The Wedding!

Jenny wasn't the only one looking for love at the wedding - Eric's  new mancrush appeared, rather inexplicably but whatevs, with his oh noes! girlfriend.  But hey, he's bi, so its totally cool that he strung this girl along by bringing her as his date to a wedding just so he could stalk this boy who bumped into him in the lobby of his building and then subsequently found out who he was by knocking on every door in the place.  Class!

Now speaking of real class, don't you just want to give Dorota and Vanya a hug!? And as has just been confirmed by my dear friend K Fig, yes, it was perfectly acceptable to think that out of his doorman uniform Vanya was kind of hot.  I think these two crazy kids might make it work guys!

As for the actual wedding, I cannot speak for the Russians, but that reception was way too classy to actually be Polish style.  There was no guy playing bad Euro techno in the background [instead they played Leighton Meester's track, which, no.] and everyone seemed way too sober.  Vodka needs to flow like rain! The priest who just married you is supposed to be drunk and trying to polka! [Though, I guess Dorota and Vanya were married Orthodox rite, so those clergy may roll differently than the good old Polish Catholic ones I am used to.] And most importantly, no one does stupid shit with balloons!

But on a more sober note, it was eerily prescient of GG to air an episode of Polish Dorota and Russian Vanya getting married just as Poland and Russia put aside their differences and shared a moment of grief over the death of President Kaczynski. So let  Dorota and Vanya be a model to us all. Sto lat kids, sto lat.

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