Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Gossip Girl: Party In The USA.

Like, OMG you guys! It's election night! I haven't been this excited since, you know, election night last year when a tear might have formed in my eye when my boy Barack won! But who cares about that history making nonsense when Tripp Vanderbilt is running for Congress, Nate has actual lines to say, Blair got a face full of cake, and drunken celebrities and call girls were running about! USA! USA! USA! USA!

In a completely stunning turn of events, this episode focused on Nate and featured Vanessa heavily...and it wasn't annoying! Gossip Girl really has never had an episode like this - one could even say it was "Micheal Mann political thriller-esque" - but it worked surprisingly well. This episode drove home the point that our little GG-ers are growing up and moving out in the real world, where stuff has actual consequences besides who gets yogurt dumped on them while they sit on the MET steps. [My favorite Micheal Mann movie though is The Last of the Mohicans, so until Daniel Day Lewis is running about the Upper East Side, I don't really care if Plastered Patrick gets cast in his movie]

Of course the kind of consequences these characters deal with are pretty ludicrous - most 18 year olds don't have to worry about the success of their new hotel, political careers, telling embarrassing stories about their boyfriends on national television, or keeping their jobs at a high powered PR firm. But this is Gossip Girl, so its not like I show up expecting real life or anythang.

All that stuff is pretty ridiculous, so it was kind of refreshing to see Serena push Blair into a cake, because immature 18 year olds do shit like that. [At least it wasn't a slushie!] Also, it was just kind of funny to see Blair with red, white and blue frosting on her face. Anywayz, Serena and Blair each told the other one they were immature, and they were both right - each lady still has a lot of growing up to do. Blair thinks she's moving on up because she's in college and she's going steady, but everyone knows she secretly wishes she was still in high school where she had minions at her beck and call. Blair is basically a terrible friend as evidenced by the fact that she can't make any at NYU, and sooner or later she's going to have to learn to be selfless once in awhile. But then again, she managed to snag Chuck Bass so what do I know. Serena on the other hand, thinks she's big and bad because of her real life job - until Blair reminded her that she's essentially a working girl of another kind, seeing as she's getting paid to give Patrick "the girlfriend experience." She also dresses regularly like a prostitute, and she doesn't even get paid for that! Good thing an actual call girl - named Brandeis?! - was at the party so Serena didn't have to feel too bad about herself!

Who did need to feel bad about themselves this week was Dan, who got a lame nickname from Jimmy Fallon of all people which makes it even lamer, and who forgot his one month anniversary with Olivia. Jimmy Fallon has been all about the TV guest appearance lately, as he also appeared on 30 Rock last week. It should be noted however that he only tweeted about being on 30 Rock, so clearly he was prouder of running at Tracy Morgan/Jordan with an axe than he was about coming up with the nickname "Bathroom Boy." As he should be really, because this whole storyline was undercooked and kind of pointless. I thought Olivia had revealed something deep and dark about Dan, but it turned out to be something stupid. And didn't we see their first date? And wasn't it nothing like Dan described? This Dan and Olivia relationship has about as much continuity as Serena's personality [so in other words, none].

But the real star of the show was Nate, who spoke more lines this episode than the entire two previous seasons combined. But come on, it was obvious that Nate didn't stage that fake drowning to up Tripp's poll numbers because that would have required brain cells that kid clearly does not possess. Just setting up Vanessa with the fake NY1 lady probably took up his "thinking quota" for like, the year. But I think Tripp will bring a lot to the show actually - even though the fact that he is a Congressman at 26 is insane - especially if the whole Serena dynamic gets played up. Nothing spells scandal like having an affair with an under 21 socialite! Also, was it just me or did it seem like Tripp's crafty wife was kind of macking on Grandfather? Double scandal!

Speaking of scandal, Chuck Bass put the Vanderbilt campaign headquarters in a suite that had a picture of woman's crotch in panties hanging on the wall. This is why I love the man.

So next week is the much hyped - and apparently indecent! - threesome episode. Whatever, Parents Television Council you should know by know that Gossip Girl scandal is scandal-lite. Also, that teenagers don't actually watch Gossip Girl as much as gay men and 20 something girls do [I mean I think at least. I don't know any teenagers, except for the ones I watch on Gossip Girl. And my brother, but he doesn't really count.] But I can tell already it probably won't live up to the OMGolly! hype because the promo doesn't feature Britney's 3. I mean, really?!

There is a hit song about threesomes and you don't use it to promote your episode about a threesome?!

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