Tuesday, October 13, 2009

Gossip Girl: Wedding Bell Blues.

So do you think in 1986 when Star Power was released Kim Gordon thought "Hey 23 years from now I'll be singing this song on a campy TV show beloved openly by teenage girls and gay men, and secretly by 20-something girls who should have something better to watch?" Probably not, but then in 1986 I didn't think I would be blogging about said campy TV show, because well, I was a year old. I had other priorities.
But investing Kim Gordon with some internet-given power to perform marriages a la Joey from Friends and then having her marry Rufus and Lily was basically pure genius. So did the "Sonic Youths" as Dorota so charmingly put it, lose some indie street cred by appearing on Gossip Girl? Maybe, but the whole "I ironically love Sonic Youth ironically appearing on Gossip Girl, which I ironically love anyway" apparatus is tricky, so in the end they probably come out even.
But do you know who I love un-ironically and unequivocally? Georgina. Girl is INSANE, and I say that with all the love in my heart. She sent Dan a fucking e-card, like it was 1998. And then proceeded to blackmail Vanessa into convincing Dan to dump Olivia because she was "dating Orlando Bloom." False obviously, but apparently Georgina has some experience in getting people to dump celebrities, which come on, is awesome.
Meanwhile, while Georgina was being awesome, Carter and Bree were being ZZzzzzZZZzzzz, over some "family honor" bullshit. I'm just going to talk about them now and get it over with, because those two are boring as hell and I'm super glad Nate finally broke up with Bree even though I have the sneaking suspicion we're not done with her just yet. Carter's "big secret" was that he had hooked up with one of Bree's cousins in the hope that saying he would marry her would get him some ca$h from the Buckleys to pay off his gambling debts, but then he jilted her at the altar. Not as juicy as I had hoped, but whatevs, there's already one love child running around this joint. Bree then brought some of her beefy Buckley cousins with her to enact some Texas-style vengeance, with a bit of encouragement from Chuck who has always had it out for Carter. The episode left it up in the air as to what would happen to Carter, but my guess is that he's laying on the side of the East River with a broken jaw, a bloody nose, and some serious bruising. [But Chuck also left him a plane ticket, so maybe he managed to escape.]
But the whole Carter/Bree smackdown wasn't nearly the most exciting thing going on, because Rufus and Lily were getting married! After a ridiculously manufactured fight! And Georgina was going to crash it! And Blair and her minions planned the entire thing in a day! [I buy that more than the whole Carter debacle actually.] And Serena wore something almost appropriate! And Jenny sewed a wedding dress in one night! And the Lincoln Hawk Love Baby finally came clean! And I think Blair has a crush on Dan! Let's discuss, shall we?
Lily was all huffy that her former rock star fiance allowed her daughter to forgo Brown while she was off having a baby and getting a nasty divorce IRL, and taking care of her mother in the reality of the fictional universe. So when Rufus showed up at the Brooklyn loft which still inexplicably exists to escape the wrath of Lily, Dan and the rest the Van der Humphreys decided to pull a Parent Trap to get their respective parents back on speaking terms. This move obviously failed, because NO ONE SANG LET'S GET TOGETHER! An amateur mistake really, so here's a primer kids for when Rufus and Lily inevitably get divorced:

But not all of us can be Hayley Mills -or gah! Lindsey Lohan - so Rufus and Lily had to patch it up all by themselves, with no help from their spawn. Their first attempt at a wedding ceremony was ruined by both Lily's cold feet and the appearance of Georgina, who revealed the news that Scott was the LHLB as casually as if she was reading the weather report. And everyone believed the crazy girl with no hesitation, which is ludicrous, but par for the course on this ludicrous show. Scott went from being Vanessa's bf who also happened to be a Lincoln Hawk fan, to brother of dead love child, to oh wait! the love child himself - and of course, no one thought this was strange. What was strange was that Lily consented to running around Chinatown in her wedding dress looking for Scott even though a few scenes earlier she had chastised Rufus for not remembering she was Lily Bass and that there were "expectations" that would go along with another one of her weddings.
But Rufus and Lily caught up with Scott just as he was about to get on the Chinatown Bus back to Boston, and embraced him as a member of their family, which already includes such a motley crew of children one more random can't possibly hurt. The Van der Humphrey-Bass-"Addlers" now includes Rufus' two children Dan and Jenny, Lily's two children Serena and Eric, the adopted Chuck, and the biological son Scott. And essentially Vanessa too, because the way she acts you would think she was a clingy desperate orphan. And just to review, Serena and Dan slept together, Chuck almost raped Jenny but now they're cool and she went with him on a "date" to make Blair jealous, Vanessa slept with Chuck twice, Vanessa dated Scott, oh and Chuck tried to get Serena to get it on with him in a kitchen one time.
Yet as fucked up as this family is, it appears they all care for each other in their own fucked up ways, whether its Chuck pushing Carter out of town because he worries about him dating Serena or Lily actually agreeing to get married in a dress Jenny sewed in one night, and well, its actually kind of sweet. Three-quarters of the characters on this show are now related, and the other quarter are either friends and/or significant others of the core family, a fact which I hope gets played up the rest of the season. But these new bonds made Rufus and Lily's ultimately simple wedding ceremony in the old Brooklyn loft all the more poignant, and I hope their next step is to adopt Nate because that last shot of him looking all lonely and scorned was just sad.
And then Sonic Youth played, because apparently Lincoln Hawk had once opened for them and it was a memorable night for Rufus and Lily, but that's just ridiculous because its like saying "Hey remember that awesome night we had after we watched the Gin Blossoms open for Sonic Youth?!" Sigh. But whatever, it'll be fun watching Rufus and Lily get a divorce.

P.S. Am I the only one who noticed that Blair was hovering around Dan a disturbing amount this episode? I'm totally going to call that the rumored GG threesome is going to be Chuck-Blair-Dan right now, because ever since Dan murdered her headband I am like 70% sure Blair has had a thing for him and his plaid shirts.

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