Sunday, September 6, 2009

Because this makes COMPLETE sense.

Hey remember when Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault live on national TV and nothing was there?! Well, the contents of the vault have finally been located - on the backs of the cast of Gossip Girl! That is only one of the theories I have as to why the GG cast has suddenly and inexplicably turned up on set dressed in Prohibition Chic.
Some other theories as to wtf is actually going on here:

Theory 1: Bonnie & Clyde is actually being remade, but no one told the general public. Though if Blake Lively and Penn Badgely are our new Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty, the world is ending:

Alternate Theory 1: Penn and Blake got jealous of the fact that Leighton Meester weirdly has a hit song with Cobra Starship [seriously, wtf] and are recording their own update of the Jay-Z and Beyonce classic "03 Bonnie & Clyde."
The music video they are clearly filming for "09 Bonnie & Clyde" will totally blow this one out of the water:

Alternate Theory 1: No one told Penn Public Enemies kinda flopped. I mean, it must have, considering I love Johnny Depp hardcore and I didn't even go see it:

Theory 2: To better deal with the death of his father, Chuck Bass turns to the stage and is cast as Nathan Detroit in a community theater production of Guys & Dolls [Sample line from script: "The only time I can truly escape my pain is when I am pretending to be somebody else!"]:

Oh, and since you are now making out with men I would have to say, sit down Chuck! You're rockin' the boat!

Theory 3: Hilary Duff is multitasking while in New York and is also appearing on Broadway in Chicago as Velma Kelly. Jesus, I need to stop thinking of the world in terms of musicals:

Actually, the Duffster is more of a Roxy Hart, and I hate Roxy. She's annoying. Hilary is not nearly awesome enough to be Velma, so let's just watch this instead:

So, in conclusion - no matter the reason for this random Gangsta get-up, I hope it involves some Bob Fosse choreography. The end.

PS. So I was just looking for videos on YouTube and came across this: They ARE making a new Bonnie & Clyde movie starring, wait for it!, HILARY FUCKING DUFF!!!!!!!!!!!!
This just proves we don't have to wait for 2012 for the world to end.

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